Kirb Appeal

House Stalker Sunday! Number 8?

2012-02-12T07:35:00.001-05:00

This house is one that I walk past a couple of times a week in my summer sojourns.

I call it "The Mother Goose House." (I tend to 'name' houses. Not houses with legit names, like Brandywine or Leatherwood from last week, but names like "Rapunzel House." And if you like this quirk? Don't worry; there will be more.)

The first time I saw this house, it reminded me of an illustration from a children's book. Upon closer look, it became intriguing: how much natural light? What could the floor plan be? What is that room on the second floor with that bay window? And those little dormers? What up, homies?

Even if the floor plan is wonky, it might be worth investing in this one, just to be able to call yourself "Mother Goose."

ON ANOTHER NOTE: I have a new look at Kirb Appeal! This look has been brought to us by the talented Kristin! She put together a great header using pics from my hometown and my garden as well as a button. (I have a button! I feel like I'm "sitting at the cool kids' table!") Please check Kristin out if you are interested in upgrading your blog.
And I'll grab yours, if you'll grab mine...button, that is!

2012-02-10T05:56:00.002-05:00

This is a repost. We're back into poetry in my classroom, and it never fails to amaze me, what kids do with words.

As a teacher, I often use song lyrics to help kids understand poetry. I find that if I can connect poetry to something they hear every day, then they'll respond a little less reluctantly. (Because honestly, poetry is not something that 8th graders are necessarily coming to with an open mind. Or any mind, for that matter. After all, it is the 8th grade.)

In my dreams, this is how the lesson would go:

Love Grows (Where My Rosemary Goes)" by Edison Lighthouse, 1970. Barry Mason, Tony Macaulay

**Let's begin, shall we, with the title. We have an interesting transposition here. Love doesn't actually grow, but rosemary (the herb) does. This forshadows that this is a song about an herb.

She ain't got no money

Her clothes are kinda funny

Her hair is kinda wild and free

**She's poor, badly dressed, and suffers from chronic "bed head." Not only is she unfortunate and in serious financial straits, but the guy singing about her is uneducated (as evidenced by the grammatical errors).

Oh but love grows where my Rosemary goes
And nobody knows like me

**Apparently, the singer knows of a place where this particular herb grows. Maybe that's why his grammar is so bad. Too much herb.

She talks kinda lazy

And people say she's crazy

And her life's a mystery

**Obviously, she's suffering from some sort of impairment. This has caused her to become secretive and suspect in her actions.

Oh but love grows where my Rosemary goes

And nobody knows like me

**Another herb harvesting. By himself. Whoa.

There's something about her hand holding mine

It's a feeling that's fine

**Heightened tactile sensitivity.

And I just gotta say (hey!)

**Speaking in parenthesis. Another manifestation of the overuse of herb.

She's really got a magical spell

And it's working so well

That I can't get away

**Casual use has become addiction

**here we have a key change--obviously a symbol for how this particular herb has changed the singer's life.)

I'm a lucky fella

And I just gotta tell her

That I love her endlessly

**The singer will never be able get this particular monkey off his back.

Because love grows where my Rosemary goes

And nobody knows like me.

****I believe I'm having way too much fun with this.

Oh 1970s...you are both a blessing and a curse.

2012-02-07T20:44:00.000-05:00

...because I can make really cool furniture out of your original ugliness. (Among a whole bunch of other reasons, but that's another story for another day.)

I found this small flip-top server at a consignment store and paid way more than I should have, but it was just so darn cute! (This is where I USED to say 'kinda like me,' but I can't fool 'em anymore.) It is about 28" high and a little over three feet wide with a top that flips up to extend. There's a marble inset and some cool decorative touches.

Problems? It was a little scratched and dented and dull, but the biggest problem was the pecan finish.

Now, don't get me wrong...I like pecan as much as the next person. But that "pecan finish" from the seventies is not as much a finish as it is a statement. A statement that says: Look at me! I am from the seventies! And so was Florence Henderson's Carol Brady hairstyle! 'Nuf said!

So, I scooped this little piece up and had some fun with it. I sanded it down with my new sander, and then used a mushroom-colored homemade chalk paint. Then I distressed it a little more than I usually do--getting a little carried away with the sandpaper. Then, a light stain and coat of dark wax. Inside I painted the shelf and inside of the doors with a chartreuse, and spray painted the handles black. This is a very poor picture of the finished product:

It's down at Elizabeth's, awaiting a new home. If it doesn't find one, it can always move back in with me!

I'm hooked to Savvy!

House Stalker Superbowl Sunday

2012-02-05T14:24:00.001-05:00

Sometimes there are coincidences, and sometimes there's a reason. (This reminds me of what could possibly be the best new show since "GLEE"--Keifer's new show, "Touch." But maybe not...I haven't seen the show about Broadway yet...I think it's on tonight.)

Anyhoo, ever since I moved to Winston, there have been "those houses" like the Rapunzel house, that I kind of "keep track of." I walk or drive past them every month or so, and think to myself "I'd love to get in there and see what that looks like."

This was one of those houses. Only not for the reasons you might think.
I stalked this one because it was one of three that gave me the same 'vibe.' They all belonged to the same couple--a couple with a vision.

Tammy Chipman, wife of local builder extraordinaire Tommy, and a wonderful designer in her own right, calls these "sister houses." They were built for a couple, Earline Heath King and Joe King, who were high school sweethearts here in Winston, but went on to live in Washington DC and Europe, where he was learned to become a portrait painter. The house where I live, Brandywine, was the first house they built--about ten years or so into their marriage, after they returned from Europe. It's about 2,500 square feet and has many of the typical problems of 1940s homes--no closet space, small kitchen. The studio is an outbuilding. The house pictured, built roughly a mile northeast of here on the most exclusive road in the city, is called "Leatherwood." It was built in 1952 and has a much larger kitchen and a lot more closet space. It has nearly 4,000 square feet, including a phenomenal attached studio.

(There's a second house, but they remodeled it, not built it, and it was after Joe and Earline split, so there are some hard feelings there.)

So...Leatherwood has always been on my "I want to see the inside of that house" list, especially since I bought the "sister house." And last fall, my friend Anne told me about an estate sale in a "neat old house with really cool rooms." After quizzing her a moment, I realized the house was Leatherwood.

(I could say that it was a sad occassion, because it meant that she had died, but she was very old and had enjoyed an illustrious career, even AFTER her husband had divorced her and taken up with some chickie babe. In fact, he was probably jealous that she was becoming more famous than he!)

When I found out that there was an estate sale at Leatherwood, I immediately called DL and said "get your butt over there and see what's up!" because I was at school and we don't get a lunch break or anything. And being the good materials bee-otch he is, he did.
And then he called me. I won't tell you exactly what he said--because he was being emphatic--but it amounted to "you may want to swing over here on your way home from school." (Which, by the way, is not entirely accurate because I actually had to pass my house on the way. But that's not the point.)

(Little did I know that DL had made fast friends with Earline's caretaker, Adam, pictured above. In fact, he knew who I was from a letter I had written to Earline, trying to learn the history of my house. But she was already in a decline and he doubted she could give me any helpful information. We wanted to restore what we could and update what we needed, while still maintaining the integrity of the house.)

It was amazing to see that many of the elements I loved in Brandywine were also present at Leatherwood, like the murals in the front room. In our house, that room is the dining room, in Leatherwood, it was the library.

There were many outdoor elements that were also similar. In fact, we have an outdoor fireplace very similar to the one at Leatherwood.

We were very fortunate to be able to purchase some wonderful items from the estate, like the iron wall-mounted plant holder above. We also got some great sconces and a few interesting smalls...all to imbue Brandywine with some of the original owner.

Sometimes, stalking pays off!

What can you use a ladder for, besides climbing onto Juliet's balcony?

2012-02-04T07:05:00.000-05:00

Funky Junk has a "thing" for ladders. She has asked moi to include photos for her "Ladder Party," which sounds vaguely pornographic, if you ask me. (Actually, that's a lie. She didn't ask me, specifically; she has put out an all-call.)

About five years ago, when we first moved into this house, I brought with me roughly 2,834,390 magazine pages that I had ripped out over the course of twenty years, toting them from house to house to use as inspiration. (Many of them were from Mary Englebreit's Home Companion--still mourning that loss--and before the advent of Pinterest, which makes lugging torn-out pages completely unneccessary.) One of these pages showed a ladder used as a pot rack. In my long, narrow kitchen, this was the perfect idea.

Two summers ago, I did what I could for the small, cramped kitchen on the extremely limited budget I had. (This will be a subsequent post.) Because cabinet space is limited, I thought a pot rack would be a great way to free up some much-needed space. I had all the items needed to create the look--an old apple ladder and a husband who could hang it. Here are the results:

The only drawback to this is that I have to have my husband DL reach the stuff on the top, unless I grab the stepstool or jump. Which I occassionally do.

I'm also linked at Get Schooled--even though I'm not teaching on Saturday!

Some days you spill the beer; some days the beer spills you

2012-02-01T20:21:00.000-05:00

...and I have no idea what that means, but it probably has something to do with this post so we'll figure it out.

Marie Curie doesn't really have anything to do with this post, but she really does...you'll have to bear with me.

I have been thinking a little bit about Demi Moore. Not a lot, just enough to write a blog.
(First of all, I need to make something clear: I like to go to the movies and watch TV, but I don't know a lot about celebrities. I'm too busy grading papers and doing laundry to worry about which of the Olsen Twins is dating Bill Murray.)

I don't know anything about Demi, except that she is just a few years younger than I am and we all thought she was SO COOL when she was on "General Hospital" back when we all sat in the lobby of the dorm to watch "General Hospital" to see if Demi could help Luke find his lost bride, Laura. (Okay, so now I have dated myself. Most of y'all? Were not even ALIVE when I was watching GH in the lobby of the dorm. This was before cable. Three channels. I know, right? Crazy!) But Demi was always the epitome of cool.

First, she was considered a member of "The Brat Pack." O.M.G. I would have given up all my legwarmers AND my elf boots to be a member of the aforementioned pack. Judd Nelson? Andrew McCarthy? Martin Sheen's other kid? Oh, HE}} yeah! So, that's one thing.
Then, she married the Golden Boy of the late '80s. Bruce Willis. Is that cool or what? And even when they got divorced they still got along...in fact, it was my understanding that after her subsequent marriage to -- wait for it--Ashton Kutcher--all three of them were friendly. A benchmark for cool.

And Ashton the Sk8ter boy...young enough to be her much younger brother and/or the kid she used to babysit...she was a cougar before cougars were cool. (To be honest, though, cougars were cool for about a year, then just kinda pitiful.)
Which brings me to the present.

How can you maintain "cool?" Is it like childhood--beautiful and fleeting? And what happens when you're not "cool" anymore? I'm not Demi Moore, and Lord knows NO ONE on the PLANET would have ever described me as cool, though some of my high school friends have reappeared on facebook, extolling Kirby's coolness, but I remember being a huge dork who couldn't even get a date to the senior prom. Lack of cool notwithstanding, I understand what it's like to wake up one day and not be who you thought you were. What's a disenfranchised party girl to do?

I think we can all agree that perhaps Marie Curie (pictured above) had the right idea. Does she care if she looks young? Does she need to be the hottest babe in the room? Is she trying to impress the guys with her 32 DDs on the body of an undernourished 13 year-old boy? No.
She was busy isolationg radioactive isotopes and accepting Nobel Prizes. Even after her husband's death left her "an incurably and wretchedly lonely person" according to Wikipedia, which we all know is the never-ending font of indisputable knowledge, she kept doing what she did best--science--without a man! And they loved her for it. They loved her so much she got that second Nobel Prize all by herself.

So, Demi, take heart. You need to find your inner coolness again, but not in the same way. You have a bunch of money and you girls are nearly grown. Find something that interests you--it doesn't have to be chemistry--and blow their minds. You don't need a guy to make you feel great--you don't even need a Noble Prize--you just need to do what's right for you.

Passing along the Liebster

2012-01-31T05:56:00.002-05:00

As per usual, I'm a day late and about a zillion dollars short. I'm FINALLY passing along the Liebster to a few deserving souls, as well as linking it back to the one who bestowed it.
The Liebster is supposed to go to bloggers who deserve a few new followers. One of the toughest things in blogland is to get folks to follow you. I will be honest with you: I am old. I don't feel like I need to have folks follow me, but it IS nice when someone does. (My personal goal is to crack one hundred.) So the Liebster can get you a little more exposure, so to speak. (Make sure you keep yourself covered.)
Today, I'm passing the Liebster to:
Dharma, who talks about those awesome Canadian decorators like Tommy,
MOV, who is HILARIOUS,
and Little Miss Maggie, who has some cool ideas.

So attach your sign, ladies, and make sure to link back!
(You don't have to answer any ridiculous questions this time.)

And please check out the one who passed it on to me,the lovely Tina!

House Stalker Sunday...fer realz

2012-01-29T08:14:00.001-05:00

Never did see Boo, but suspect he looks eerily like Robert Duvall.
(And yes, I do have a hideous cowlick, ala Dennis the Menace. But there you have it.)

As Promised...

2012-01-28T18:05:00.000-05:00

...here are the small tables I've been working on.
This little gray number started out life as an awesome maple piece--with a pitiful finish and some sad water damage.

There are those of you out there (and you KNOW who you are!) who don't think wood should ever be painted. And you know what? Lots of time I agree with you. But sometimes there isn't the opportunity to make wood look great again. And some wood is just plain unattractive.
Maple, when it's in great shape, can be beautiful. But this piece fell victim to that most heinous of furniture-damaging catastrophes: small children.

There is evidence to show that small children were let loose on this piece-- drawings (of wheels?) on the bottom of the drawer (because if I'm four and sit inside the cubby, that would be the perfect place to draw) and Kim written on the drawer shelf.
Of course I kept these.
(And maybe "Kim" remembers doing this and she has been looking for this nightstand for forty years and she is willing to pay ~~one million dollars~~ a reasonable amount to get it back. She'll see this blog and fly to Winston and offer me a hundred bucks and I will have to think about it and we'll have coffee in the meantime and we'll find that we are kindred spirits and she will invite me to spend a week with her this summer in her penthouse in CHICAGO where she is a big deal at Crate and Barrel and she will offer me a consulting job and I will live happily ever after designing fun dishtowels.)
Anyway...
The other table is very cute and currently in the window at Elizabeth's. It now looks like this:

(Yes, I use a little point-and-shoot and my photos are mostly crappy. But I'll get a new camera when I sell my beans.)

Not gonna lie...

2012-01-26T19:26:00.001-05:00

I wish I could spend the day at home again, like I did when the kids were little.
Unfortunately, kids get older and then they need money for car insurance and college and apartments and stuff, and then some moms go back to work so that all of that stuff can be paid for.

Right now I am juggling like crazy, trying to keep all these balls in the air...and some things don't get the attention they deserve. And right now, I'm trying to take care of my family (granted...it's not really that hard. I have my DL, but he's pretty low-maintenance. My kids are mostly grown and only need [a] advice, and [b] money...not necessarily in that order. My mom is 714 miles away and I keep in touch, but don't have daily chores anymore), my job (which I MUST keep, because of the aforementioned children who need money), and getting stuff down to the shop. Which leaves blogging and socializing and sewing and all the relaxing things down at the bottom of the list. (Although they are ABOVE eating healthy and working out. After all, I may be busy, but I'm not clinically insane. Yet.)

So, here are a couple of little projects that will be moving into Re*New this weekend--two side tables in search of a home. Watch for linkage.

Nick Nack Paddywhack...which sounds vaguely pornographic

2012-01-23T16:54:00.001-05:00

This blog is going to be a mish-mash of all the stuff that's been going on both at home and in blogland.

FIRST...I was nominated for a Liebster Award. That means I have someone (in this case, Tina at What We Keep) who thinks my blog is worth checking out and perhaps even following. I will be passing this award on at the end of the week.

SECOND...There are a lot of great women who are attempting to do the impossible this month.

Well, not REALLY impossible, like finding an alternative fuel source that's clean and sustainable, but personally impossible, like baking bread and painting a ceiling.

Well, being the kind of smarta$$ I am, I decided MY impossiblity would be to get through January without smacking someone. But then I realized...I already HAD an impossibility lined up! By myself!!

Today, I had to present five sessions at a teacher workshop. I was scared to death.

I am used to getting up in front of 8th graders...no problem. They might be critical of my delivery, but they're 8th graders--they think everyone is lame. But five groups of teachers? They wouldn't think twice about blasting me if they thought my presentation stunk. They were asked to fill out comment cards, and the coordinator will forward me any comments people make. No pressure. *snort*

So, I did something I didn't think I could ever do--present information to a group of my peers--five groups, actually. That was my impossiblity and I made it through without (a) the help of controlled substances, and (b) anyone dying.

That is all, fellow blogpeeps.

House ...

2012-01-22T11:17:00.000-05:00

~~Stalker~~ Question Sunday.

Brandywine (my house...I didn't name it, it came with the name. I would prefer a 'cool' name, like Jon Bon Jovi) has this very interesting little house in the backyard. In its former life, it was (a) an artist's studio, then (b) a place to hold gatherings.

Well, I am not a big gathering holder--once in awhile, maybe, but not frequently--and right now, I am using this building to work my way onto an episode of "Hoarders."

So, my question is: What Would Bloggers Do? (Because it's Sunday and religious figures are busy.)
The building is about 12 x 12 and is wired for electricity. We are going to put a woodstove in for heat, but we're not going to air condition it. My husband originally wanted to attach it to the house and make it the master suite, but there are about a hundred reasons why that won't work.

I do plan to get most of the junk out of it this summer--some of it going to my kids, some to the shop, and some to school. It will still need to house some of the raw materials for my husband's workshop and could potentially become the workshop, leaving his workshop cubby to become part of our new garage.

Y'all are a creative group--any thoughts?

Just Paint it White...

2012-01-21T08:31:00.003-05:00

...has tagged me. (If you don't know Fiona, check her out here.) She has asked some questions, probably not realizing what she has unleashed.
(<--this is the award, I think. If it isn't and I am using this button illegally...well, I could probably write some seriously interesting blogs from the hoosegow.)

The rules are that I have to answer questions that Fiona has posted, then pass the tag along. Here are the questions, with typical smarty-alecky answers:

1. Do you have any pets? (You mean besides DL?) Yes--I have an elderly dog, Rusty, who was a rescue. He is very smart and sweet, but his joints give him trouble and he really doesn't see well. He is about twelve years old, which is four hundred in people years (math is not my strong suit), so there you have it. I also have grandkitties. They are Winston Churchill and Franklin Roosevelt, and even though Rosie turned out to be a girl, they are still keeping my house safe from Nazi domination. (DL, who has always professed to hate cats, takes photos of these kittens all the time and sends them to me at work. He is an old softie.)

2.What's my decor style? Honestly, I'm thinking 'little old lady.' This is sort of an old person's house, and I rather like it that way. The house has an eclectic vibe to it--an Italian marble firepace mantle, wood floors, a handpainted mural, crystal chandeliers, lots of nooks and crannies--it's a place where lots of pillows and Windsor chairs and the Friendly Village dishes and my grandmother's Royal Doulton figurines and the Trisha Romance artwork can all cohabitate nicely. So I would describe my style as "grandma."

3. Do I think I am inherenty tidy or messy. *snort* I think my house is one step away from having an "Unfit for Human Habitation" sign slapped on the front door.

4. My first job? My first job other than babysitting was waiting tables. It wasn't terrible, but I wouldn't want to spend my whole life doing it.

5. Do I prefer savoury or sweet? (Fiona is British, so her spelling ROCKS!) I prefer to just slap my food directly onto my thighs, because that's where it will eventually end up. So taste is irrelevant.

6. My favorite music? Anything I can sing at the top of my lungs or dance to. This ranges from "The Hallelujah Chorus" to "Thriller" to "Before He Cheats." The singing is marginal and the dancing is sketchy, but the music is always fun.

7. I cannot play any instruments. I focus all my energy on the marginal singing and sketchy dancing.

8. Scrabble or Suduko? You have seen how wonderful I am at math in #1.

9. Is there anyone from history I would like to meet? My immediate response is Edgar Allen Poe, but I think he might have been the kind of guy who could lead me down the wrong path, so then I say Charles Dickens but he seems like the kind of guy who would slip me a roofie and what is it with me and brooding authors from the late 1800s? So maybe someone who was a little less broody--how about the Queen Mother?

10. Is there a capital city I would like to visit? I have done the London/Paris thing (and would happily go again, should I receive an invitation--passport always at the ready) but considering I go to Washington DC every year WITH 8TH GRADERS fercryin' outloud, ANY OTHER CAPITAL IN THE WORLD IS PREFERABLE!

11. What colour am I drawn to in a clothing shop? It depends on how fat I feel. Right now--black.

So there's probably more than you want to know about Kirby. I am specifically tagging a few folks, but PLEASE join in if you'd like. I'm going to tag folks who, like me, are still under 100 followers (you thought I was going to say under 100 years old, didn't you?), but please join in regardless!

Here are the bloggers...
                                          Maybe It's Just Me (okay, Andrea has 107. Close enough.)

                                          Wannabe Mermaid (because she's from Fort Erie!)

                                          Little Miss Maggie (who has a great eye)

                                          Skyblupink (Francine is a newbie with great ideas)

And ANYONE ELSE who wants to join! (Just want to give the new folks a chance to connect with others. Hey, I can be nice.)

Now, here are the questions. Feel free to make up your own if you don't like mine. Seriously.
1. What was your favorite class in school? Mine was obviously not math.
2. If you could have someone from "Top Chef" make your favorite meal (as opposed to someone like me, who would burn it), what would that meal include?
3. Coffee or tea?
4. Do you like to read? If so, do you have a favorite book or author?
5. What vacation spot would you visit again?
6. Is there any sports team you particularly care about? Or are you more of a 'figure skater' type?
7. Frozen yogurt or ice cream?
8. Is there any television show you simply cannot miss?
9. Who is your favorite "James Bond" actor?
10. If you had a day when you are snowed in with absolutely no one else in the house and you can do whatever you like and you haven't lost your electricity, what would you do?

So, there you have it...10 questions for whomever would like to participate, and then be sure to 'tag' a few folks to keep the versatility going.

*whew*

Unexpected Surprises

2012-01-20T18:04:00.002-05:00

Why didn't I think of this ten years ago?

Back when I began blogging, it was more of an online diary/shameless self-promotion type of activity for most bloggers--the only folks blogging were just having fun (me) or tooting their own horns (business folks) or talking about their day-to-day activities (bored people). While there's absolutely nothing wrong with any of that, my own blog lacked focus and purpose. It was fun, and I had a blast joining in writing challenges, but I felt like it was just kind of aimless, and I was at a loss of how to make my blog 'meaningful.' (By that I mean 'interesting to me and the three other folks who read it.')

Then I was talked into joining Pinterest (okay--not talked into it. Sucked into it like a vortex stronger than a hundred of Dorothy's cyclones) and I found that there were bloggers who were interested in the same things I was: projects. And they blogged about it. And garnered hundreds of awards and millions of followers. (Okay, that last part could be an exaggeration.) So I read and followed and began blogging about houses and projects. I learned all about Annie Sloan Chalk paint and reasonable facsimilies as well as all the cool stuff folks have seen on etsy.

(This all coincided with my decision to rent booth space in a home furnishings shop. So it was sort of a 'perfect storm.')

But here's the coolest thing: I have gotten such great feedback from women all over the country, and they have really made me feel like a part of this community. (Of course, they are the JLos of the group and I am the Betty White. But that's my niche , and I'm stickin' to it.) And all of this great feeling has turned into some great opportunities, like a mention in an article in Habitat for Humanity's magazine and an opportunity to schmooze at the Haven Conference in Atlanta. Not to mention the blogs that inspire me...especially because these women are nothing but supportive of each other. As one of the old geezers, it's nice to see the young whippersnappers getting along.

Pinning & Winning!

2012-01-19T05:43:00.004-05:00

This week's picks (mainly because I haven't got the time to really write):
What I would wear if I didn' t have those batwingy, Oprah-inspired upper arms:

What I would make if I could take a break from grading rough drafts of research papers:

Where I would live, if I didn't live at Brandywine:

(all photos courtesy of my boards on Pinterest)

(and yes, I did just rip-off this idea from Kerry at HouseTalkN)

There's a Word of the Year? Can it be "Martini"?

2012-01-16T09:14:00.000-05:00

For some reason, I thought my "word for the year" was supposed to be posted today, but I see other people already have theirs done. (And actually? I wasn't technically invited to do this. I am trying desperately to fit in, so I'm stealing this idea and pretending that I'm 'cool.')

For the past couple of years, I have been aware of my impending death. (Look, we all gotta go sometime.) It probably won't be this week, and maybe not this year, but it WILL happen. And, at fifty-one, the chances are good that I'm more than halfway there.

I have been incredibly blessed. My kids are both over 21 and have never been in jail. They even call me once in awhile! I have had a job I like (and at times, have loved) and a successful marriage of nearly thirty years to my homeboy, DL. I have enjoyed good health and have had some fun fixing up old houses and hunting for treasure.

But what do you do when you can't do what you did? Honestly? For the first year after my youngest left the nest (and went to PHILADELPHIA, of all the godforsaken places), I crawled into a bottle of whatever adult beverage was handy and stayed there. I simply did not know what to do now that I wasn't the mom anymore. I threw myself into my teaching and watched Real Housewives with an intensity usually reserved for standardized testing. I rearranged furniture, painted walls, and started making "Kirb Appeal" videos. I blogged and tweeted and anything else I could to connect with people because my people were gone. (Poor DL. He bore the brunt of my insanity, and I apologize for driving him crazy with my crazy.) And when none of that worked to fill the hole, I decided to try to change my life, because there was (obviously) no going back.

This summer, I toyed with the idea of buying a home decor/antique/consignment shop that has been a fixture in our city for over ten years. The owner wanted a change, and I wanted a change, so it seemed like a good idea. However, DL pointed out that we have two kids in college, and maybe I needed that regular paycheck. So instead, I rented a space from the folks who eventually bought it, and I took some of my treasures down and they started to fly.

The dressing table? Lasted a week.

The desk? A day.

And DL and I are having fun doing this together. It's not like having kids around, but it's a new adventure, which is what you need when you're over halfway to death.

So OUR word of the year is forward. As long as we're still vertical, that's the way we're moving.

House Stalker Sunday, Week 5

2012-01-15T07:13:00.001-05:00

This week, we're stalking a home that's around the corner from me--
One of the reasons DL and I decided to buy our "home before the home" in this neighborhood is because it's incredibly walkable. Back before I lost my mind from menopause (read "got really lazy and decided to sit around on my ever-expanding a$$ all day"), I used to walk several times a week. I can walk three or four miles and never run out of sidewalk or have to deal with traffic problems, unlike our old neighborhood, where there were no sidewalks and we were close to a major thoroughfare.

Sometimes DL walks with me (but his legs are longer and I have to sprint to keep up, which is a problem and then I get all yelling at him and he says "if you keep yelling, I'm not going to walk with you anymore" in his mind) but usually I walk by myself. And as I walk, I 'fix' the houses I pass. I used to think I was the only one who did this, but I suspect that there are a few *snort* others as well. (Go on. Admit it. You know you do.)
This is one of those houses. It's on the way to our fave neighborhood restaurant. (I know, right? We can walk to our favorite neighborhood restaurant where they have our Blue Moons waiting for us AT OUR REGULAR SEATS when we come in. I cannot tell you how much this rocks. Obviously, I am easy to please.) Anyway, it's story-and-a-half, and it sits on a large corner lot.

And it has potential! (DL and I are big fans of potential, as evidenced by the fact that we are always living amid dust and paint and the detritus of remodeling. Where the heck is my new house? Why do I have to always live in these 'fixer-uppers?' *Sorry. That was the menopause kicking in.*

I believe this house needs to be all one color--perhaps a taupe or gray--leaving the stone surrounding the front door, which should be a bright color. (I'm into aqua right now, but lime is my go-to. Either would work.) Then make the shutters black. It also needs some landscaping help. Get rid of the overgrown shrubbery (that word always makes me want to quote Monty Python) and plant some color.

There you have it--a house I stalk and what I would do to it.

Impossible? Never!

2012-01-13T17:19:00.000-05:00

I will be honest and tell you that I really like these young bloggers. They are very sweet and have made me feel welcome in the "Lifestyle Blogging" arena, even though I have a lot more life behind me. Honestly? I have clothes older than these women.

The home bloggers love to host "parties" where you can link your blog to a list of blogs that have the same idea. I have been linking some of my furniture makeovers and my traffic increases because other folks come to my blog to look at the furniture. Some of them decide they like my writing style and they follow my blog. (15 new followers in the last two weeks!) Most of them follow because they think I'm fun to read, and I appreciate that. I'm sorta like the Betty White of the blogging world, but not as cute.

One of the linking things they are currently having is an "impossibility" challenge. In this challenge, D-I-Y gals are finding something they consider "impossible" to tackle, and then they tackle it! Two of these awesome young ladies have mentioned this challenge to me, and I thought, "Why the he!! not?" Daunting projects? I've got the best one.

Survive menopause without killing anyone.
(Just kidding. If I haven't killed anyone yet, I probably won't.)

Van Gough & Merlot!

2012-01-12T19:56:00.000-05:00

Here it is...the end result of a great night out with the amazing Heather (amazing not only because she is beautiful and talented and a great mom, but because she suggested this night out)!

Most of my new blog readers (I LOVE you guys! Thanks for following!) know that I love to paint furniture, and I've posted photos of the upcycled pieces I've done. But that stuff's easy compared to real artiste-type stuff. Here's how it works:
You sign up for Merlot & Van Gough with some friends, then bring your own wine and call it a party! They provide aprons, canvases, paint, pallets (which are really just styrofoam plates), brushes, mason jars with water and paper towels for cleaning up and the all-important wine glass. They show you a painting that you use as inspiration, then they start pouring!
The inspiration painting last night was an evening scene with an owl sitting on a branch, staring at the full moon. The branches were dotted with cherry blossoms.
Obviously, I left the blossoms off. Why? First of all, they were hard to paint, and second of all, you would never have blossoms without leaves, and leaves would obviously obscure the owl. My owl is sitting on that branck in early winter, when there are no blossoms. That's just agriculture. Also? My owl looks like my cat. If my cat were out on one of those skinny branches, it would break. That's just physics.

In conclusion? You must do this if you get a chance--it's a great way to have some fun with some friends, while stretching your creative muscle.

First, you take a dresser in need of serious help.

2012-01-10T18:18:00.000-05:00

This was a very cute dresser I found several (probaby more like ten) years ago...at a booth owned by a woman named Kim Basinger. I $hit thee not. That was her REAL name! But she didn't look like the gorge ex-wife of your favorite hot-head and mine, Alec Baldwin. (And seriously? I would love to see some woman knock him down about eighteen pegs. I could sell tickets AND hot dogs.)
Anyhoo, Kim had a darling booth with lots of fun vintage stuff, and this dresser sat in her booth for about a year or so, and I would "check on it" every time I went in.
I ran into Kim there one day, and she and I talked about the dresser, which was not stained at all, just waxed. I liked the carving on the drawers, but I wasn't thrilled with the wood. (I am not a big oak person...which may be just one step the other side of 'heathen' for some of you, but I am not crazy about grainy wood.) She was going to take it home an re-stain it, but I told her I would take it off her hands for ten percent off. We had a deal, I took it home, and it sat in my attic for a looooong time.

This weekend, I needed a project (other than the dadgummed chair that is taking forever) and I dragged the dresser out and went to town.

After cleaning it and giving it a light sanding, I made a wash out of light gray paint and water. One coat of the wash (brushed on and wiped off), and the dresser was already looking better. I also sprayed the hardware with my fave hammered metal from Rustoleum. I just gave a light coat, letting some of the old nasty show through.
I used some of the Martha Stewart Metallic from Home Depot on the carvings, giving it just a little bit of shine. Then a coat of Annie Sloan dark wax, which brought out the grain, which I didn't object to with the wash--it looked sort of like driftwood.

The finished product!

This one is not for the shop; it's for our guestroom.

Before I forget, check out Trixie's giveaway!

I'm at Wow Us Wednesdays! AND Treasure Hunt Thursdays!

Also at Common Ground!

House Stalker Sunday #4!

2012-01-08T09:20:00.000-05:00

Okay...I know what you're thinking.
You're thinking: WTH is THAT????

It is a really old, run down end-unit condo about three blocks from our house in one of the oldest condo developments I have ever seen.
I think these were condos before there even WERE condos.

But why would I stalk this, you might ask. (Hey! Thanks for asking!)
Let me put it this way--I would love to buy one of these little condos just to try out all the cool things I've seen on Houzz and Pinterest that I am TOO CHICKEN to do in my own house.

For example: I just saw the second Sherlock Holmes movie and I absolutely fell in love with the walls of the place they hold Watson's bachelor party--old plaster and layers of color...the same effect as the wall of Lionel's office in "The King's Speech," which got a lot of facetime on home decor blogs.

juxtaposed with the chesterfield? Magnifique!

But I could never go this bold in my house. My house has to be for everyone who lives in it, and I am not the majority shareholder, really. DL pays the mortgage, I just do the decorating. That's why a little 'design house' would be fun to have...to try things out to see if they'll translate into the 'real' house.

I have tried some pretty bold stuff in my other homes--like painting each room a different 'autumnal' color like avocado, pumpkin pie filling, and dijon mustard (jeeze, now I'm hungry) and I was one of the first to stencil words on my walls. But this house? Well, we have to treat it a little differently because it does have some local historical significance.

I think it would be great to have a space to use as a 'laboratory' for all the things I want to try. I'd rip off that roof over the stoop and put some kind of attached pergola to frame the door. I'd put in new casement windows and large window boxes. I'd go to extremes with the decor and then transfer the successes to my own home. I'd have fun, fun, fun 'til my daddy took the T-bird away. (Just kidding. Rest in Peace, Dad. I am not driving like a maniac. I am fifty-one years old and a fairly responsible citizen.)

So...I am not above stalking something ugly and small, if it could serve my purposes. Sort of like a mad scientist, only not.

Because If I HAD Seven Thousand Dollars,

2012-01-07T10:25:00.000-05:00

...I would not spend it on boobs. Oh, no. I would spend it on a big honkin' TV where I could get up close and personal with Tim Gunn. And Anderson Cooper. And Ellen. (Why am I always attracted to nattily-dressed gays? Freud would have a FIELD DAY with this one!)

So, one of the many "bonuses" (Is it bonuses or is it like those funky words that end in 's' and when you plural it, it needs to be something else? Like 'mouse' becomes 'mice' and 'apparatus' becomes 'apparati.' But that would make it 'boni' which sounds vaguely pornographic, so that can't be right. Anyway...)

of menopause is that you get really hungry and you want to eat more. And even if you are able to curb the desire to stuff Rolos into your mouth, hand over fist, you still look, well...fluffier. Add gravity to the equation, and...

Boobs.

Not just any boobs...

THIRTY-TWO DOUBLE DS!

Boobs that young women pay big money for! Every "Real Housewife" owns some! And I got them for *free*!

(These aren't mine. This is from Google images. But they're close.)

Let me tell you, if I could return them ~~and get my money back~~, I would. One of my fifty-seven goals this year is to do whatever it takes to be able to buy a regular bra again, and not the $50 ones. Because I have better things to do with my money. Or I could start saving for that humongous telly.

This is SO EXCITING!

2012-01-06T17:19:00.000-05:00

I know! I am a serious dork, right?BUT I WAS FEATURED!Meg and Mum's, from AUSTRALIA, fercryin' outloud, featured me on Saturday Splendour.(For the uninitiated, generally those links start a little before the day they are supposed to, and since Australia is ahead of us here in North America anyway...well, trust me. It's Saturday.)The blog that's featured is the one where I painted the Cnadian flag on the face of a dresser. It's on the left-hand sidebar, where it says "My home and native land," if you're interested.I have never been featured before, and Meg was so nice to let me know, and now I have a lot of really awesome new followers--8 or 9 in just the last week! (I know this seems really lame to the women who have thousands of followers, but I went several years just having about 30, and most of them were friends I bribed.)Anyway, I am incredibly excited to have the Maple Leaf dresser featured INTERNATIONALLY! So--thank you to Meg and thank you to the new followers and thank you to my sweet DL for fixing the dresser to begin with and thank you to the Canadians for having such a cool flag. And Rick Moranis. And green Aero bars. And jelly babies. (Do you still have jelly babies? Because I love me some jelly babies.)I am so easily amused.

It was a little bit moldy...but then again, so am I.

2012-01-04T17:53:00.009-05:00

(This picture up at the top? If you look closely, there is a very cute boy on the bag behind it. At least, I think he's cute. We only see his belly. Yummmmmm.....)

This desk turned out even better than I expected, especially since it had some pretty gross surface mold at the beginning.

I found this desk at our local Habitat for Humanity ReStore. I will be honest and say that while I believe in the cause, I believe our local ReStore has gotten a little too proud of their stuff. (Read: waaaaaay too expensive.) After all, the stuff is DONATED, fercryin' outloud, and they can afford to sell it for less than new prices. But they ask top dollar, and unless a piece is damaged or shopworn, I can't afford to fix it up and re-sell it in the shop.

I loved this desk and the hardware, but I didn't love the paint job or the mold. I am sure that it's a piece from the 40s, when American furniture companies made mahogany pieces to keep up with the demands of post-war America. For some reason, someone had painted the desk a (wait for it) mahogany color! So I don't know what was up with that. They had also kept it someplace where surface mold grew on it, but that didn't deter me.

I took some bleach and water solution and scrubbed that sucker down three separate times. Then, I took my NEW PAD SANDER! (Whoo hoo! Thanks, DL!) and sanded the tops, drawers, and sides. I had to hand sand the legs because of the turnings, but that pad sander? Oh, yeah.

I mixed my own chalk paint...a light blue-green...then used Minwax polyshades in antique walnut, then my own golden wax as a topcoat.

I love the way it came out, and I'll be taking it down to the shop as soon as there is a little room! (But the boy on the bag? He stays with me.)

...and this week, I'm here and here

Who the Heck AM I, Anyway?

2012-01-03T08:00:00.005-05:00

Well, my quest to become one of those seventy-gazillion women with a house blog is over.
Thwarted by reality.
Mainly because I find those women really, really nice and being nice all the time leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I have to cuss for three solid minutes just so I can feel like myself again. But they're so nice! Really! I like them and they have great ideas, but I just can't be as nice as they are.

There's a cooperative "workshop" going on right now at several of the most popular home-related blogs. The first one talks about "authenticity."
First of all, that word? Authentic? Sounds like you're trying to determine whether or not something is a forgery. Like a copy of a Degas or someone's attempt to pass old pewter off as a tea set Paul Revere made.
It reminds a little too much of "Pawn Stars." (There's no way that can be the real Hope Diamond, Chumlee.) If I'm typing the dang blog, it must be authentic...unless I'm plagiarizing, which is another story for another day.
I really think they are talking about "voice." We English majors/teachers know that what they are REALLY talking about is keeping your blog in your own voice. Writing the way you would talk when having a conversation with a peep. "Authentic" is not a writing term (and is both incorrectly used and overused, in my opinion) but using one's own "voice" is. (Now I feel like I'm being mean. These women are encouraging folks who want to write successful blogs and that's a good thing. Honestly, most folks understand "authentic," but very few would understand "voice" so I obviously need to shut the heck up.) Anyway...

The conundrum is that these home-decor women do something that other folks do not. They read my blog. They comment on things. I have had three new followers in the past week. (The popular girls don't follow, though. I mean, I'm sure some do, but not many. I am not cool enough...just like middle school.) I'm getting more hits in a day than I got in a month before I started linking to their sites. And they're just so nice!

So...what do I do? Continue being a home-decor blogger and get lots of feedback, or just be myself and maybe DL will read when he has the chance?
Any suggestions?

(For my three new followers--welcome! If you want to read what I'm REALLY like--read the face-off.)

Living Room Redux

2012-01-01T15:25:00.017-05:00

The living room at Brandywine has always posed a little bit of a dilemma--the room isn't quite long enough for two seating areas, yet it's too big to have the couches on opposite sides of the room.
When we first moved in, the walls were a very deep rose--almost a cranberry. The living room floor had been torn up and all that was left was a very badly damaged parquet perimeter. The whole house had been all but stripped of everything except what had been built in...it was bad enough that our realtor advised us to consider walking away from the offer, but my husband really wanted this house. (I have since learned that menopause is a legit reason to do outrageous things--like strip everything out of your house and take it with you when you move...)
Not being a big fan of cranberry, my first thought was to paint the walls a creamy pale yellow--almost off-white. We then replaced the floor with tiger wood (not the golfer, even though he probably deserves to be walked on)--in hindsight, not the best choice. I thought it would get darker than it has. I would like it to be less red and more brown. But it is what it is; we spent a zillion dollars on it, so it's not going anywhere.

The striped couch and loveseat are the first "grown-up" couch and loveseat we bought, and I like the neutral tones. They are beginning to show their age, though, and it may be time to save for replacements.

Instead of creating alternate conversation spaces, I created a reading nook in one corner and a little dining area in another. I bought a big comfy chair that was a furniture market sample (being in close proximity to High Point has its advantages) and put a great drop leaf table next to it, with a light on it for reading. The light is an "inherited" piece from my mom's house--and while pink is never my first choice, it is a pretty lamp.

There's a great old quilt that I bought many years ago that I have draped over this chair. It's really intriguing with its dozens of names embroidered into it, and the corner block says "Dam 53 1947." Without knowing the provenance, I did a little tiny bit of research. The only think I can find that makes sense is it may have been a WPA project and the signatures are of folks who worked on it.

The corner with the table is a great place for getting the party out of the kitchen, at least a bit. I put lots of good food on that table so that folks will circulate throughtout the living spaces, which are connected, but not open. The living room is so big that it seems a shame for everyone to cluster up in my tiny kitchen. Putting food in other locations seems a lot more polite than poking people with cattle prods to get them to move.

*as an aside: I fully realize that my house is less Pottery Barn catalog and more of a set for Murder, She Wrote, but there you have it. Nearly everything in my house means something to me...and like Proust and his madeleines, they conjur up memories of the people and places of my past. I believe it's more important at this stage in my life to have a house that feels like home, rather than a house that is magazine-worthy.*

At the far end opposite the doorway, there are two display pieces; one a built-in bookcase and one a cabinet that I found at the Habitat ReStore that I refinished. (Read about it here.) They contain stuff that I've inherited, for the most part, and I will keep the stuff until my kids get their own houses and then I'll foist the stuff on them and buy all new Pottery Barn stuff for myself! (Just kidding, mom!) No, really, as a little girl I was obsessed with my grandmother's Royal Doulton figurines. So what do I have now? Of course. I like to think the figurines are happy with me, mainly because otherwise they would have ended up with strangers. And you know what they say about strangers. (By the way, I love the way the cabinet turned out, with the blue backboard. I'm thinking of painting the back of the bookcase the same blue, but my husband is not 100% on board. You'd think after almost thirty years he would trust me just a little!

I have some very cool antiques in my living room and foyer area (which I'll show another time), and one of my favorites is this table my husband bought for me several years ago. I had admired it in an antique store (long closed), and he knew it was the perfect gift. I absolutely LOVE the patina and the size is great--I can stage it or use it as a desk. It's from New Orleans, pre-Katrina, and so it's increased in value, but I don't plan to sell it. It's too perfect.

It's going to be a long road to get this house back in order...between rotten (or missing!) floors, mice infestations, a complete lack of storage, a tiny kitchen, a den with no heating or cooling...things that the two artists who built it (her books are on my coffee table, above) didn't think were important. Our lives in 2012 are so different from theirs in the 1940s, and a house isn't easy to change. But change it must, and as Aristotle said: Change in all things is sweet.

House Stalker Sunday!

2012-01-01T06:27:00.007-05:00

Some of you may know what I mean when I say that there are houses you walk or drive by and you think "Hmmmm....I wonder what that house is like inside." (This is opposed to the houses that you walk or drive by and completely remodel in your mind, but that's another story for another day.)
Anyway, this is one of the houses my husband and I drive/walk by on a regular basis and we wonder.

The first thing I love about this house is that it's very typical of the era. When I think of homes built in the 1950s (this house has a build year of 1951, according to tax records), I think of "Early American" (think Lucy Ricardo's Connecticut house or Betty Draper's kitchen *shudder*) or "Mid-Century Modern" (the commercial spaces on "Mad Men" or the Mt. Rushmore vibe in Hitchcock's "North by Northwest."). This house has that "Christmas in Connecticut" vibe that I love. Without snow, which is even better.

The house sits on a double corner lot with a great expanse of lawn (truly huge, for the city). The yard is flat and has this cute little gate to one side, with a darling little potting shed in one corner of the back yard.

The house itself is large--4000 square feet--and probably has a formal floor plan, which isn't what I'm after now, but I really like the vibe this house emanates!

I wonder if they'd notice if I stole their shed?

Things I Need To Do In 2012, Before the World Comes To A Complete Halt (thanks a lot, Mayans):

2011-12-30T14:12:00.011-05:00

In no particular order...

1. Dress intentionally. Back in the day, I worked in fashion (I know, right?) and I totally looked the part. Shetland sweaters and Papagallos, Ralph Lauren (in his Edwardian riding habit period) and Levis with a poorboy turtleneck and elf boots...I was on the cutting edge.
Now...well, unless I'm going to a function--and the older I get the harder it is to function--I look just this side of disheveled. Unkempt. Like something the cats dragged in, even though they're not allowed outside.
The only person who ever looked good in a sweatshirt was Jennifer Beals in 'Flashdance.'

2.Make something every day. Even if it's just dinner.

3.Keep in touch with peeps, both near and far.
It's hard when you have friends scattered to the four winds, and family who isn't right here in town. I am not the best at keeping up with what's going on with the folks who aren't right here in front of me. It doesn't take much effort and really very little time to pick up the phone and call. (Unless I'm calling Janet G. I need to set aside an hour for a Janet G. call.)

4. Do the stuff I always wanted to do, and do it big. Read Silas Marner. Write to politicians and tell them that they need to get on the ball as far as education is concerned. Tackle menopause head-on and live to tell the tale. To everyone. Even folks who don't want to hear it. ESPECIALLY to the folks who don't want to hear it.

(Some people will find this amusing. They think because I 'talk big', then I 'act big.') I have been going out on a limb more and more at work, only to receive negativity and smackdowns. Now it's time to quietly begin accumulating pitchforks and torches and build an armory. Then we'll arm the slaves and...oh, wait. That was John Brown. But if we encourage students and parents to fight for a better public education system, then maybe something will change. Meanwhile, back at the ranch I will be segueing into my 'retirement job.'

Which leads me to #5--
Keep blogging. On my terms. Not to gain followers (hey, there's nothing wrong with 47, even though a nice round number like 50 would be better) or to become one of those folks who blog for a living (even though I wouldn't be offended if someone decided to give me some cash) but because blogging is a great way to share ideas and even *steal* ideas and meet a few people who have similar interests, like German glass glitter. And really, isn't it all about the glitter?

Regardless of what anyone says: life is NOT a competition. The person who has the nicest house, or the most successful kids, or the best hair, or the highest-scoring students...really, none of that matters. The REAL test is to do the best we can with what we're given. Whether that manifests itself in remodeling a house or helping a kid navigate the road to adulthood, it's about living life with the intention of making your little corner of it better for having been here.

If we can do this, maybe the Mayans will give us a pass. This time.

My Favorite Posts

2011-12-28T11:55:00.003-05:00

This year I started to change the focus of my blog in order to promote my new business (which is just a stepping-stone to total world domination). And I love posting about refinishing furniture. But that wasn't the ONLY thing I did...

#5...I talked about how one could fit in at the Royal Wedding, should one be invited.

#4...talking about teaching and standardized testing.

#3...I really loved writing the "He Said/She Said" with my friend LB. This one gives my take on menopause.

#2...started the year out with Mrs. Duffey, who had a lot of good advice.

#1...well, posting the pictures of my projects has gotten me some good feedback, but I'm not sure which is my fave. I guess I'll wait 'til 2012!

Have a Most Joyous Time!

2011-12-24T16:04:00.002-05:00

“I will honour Christmas in my heart,
and try to keep it all the year.”
E. Scrooge
A Christmas Carol
C. Dickens
1843

Have a wonderful time with your family and friends, Blogpeeps!

DLs Gift

2011-12-22T07:51:00.003-05:00

I love my little old house.
But what I DON'T love is the lack of storage.

Understandably, when this house was built it had enough storage for the folks in the 1940's.
It had a walk-in closet, which was ahead of its time.
In keeping with the trends of the 1980s, this is now the master bath, and there is only a teeny closet in the master bedroom...my clothes are in the guest bedroom and basement, which is pretty inconvenient.
The kitchen is the appropriate size for the 1940s...about 10 x 10, which isn't terrible unless you want cabinet and countertop space. I have two lower cabinets, two sets of drawers and a space under the sink and 4 upper cabinets. I have one lazy susan, but it's an upper cabinet and I can't really reach it.
Let me ask you--where does someone who (occasionally) bakes put her baking stuff?

My sweet DL has answered that question.
In a new narrow cabinet right up against the fridge.

DL made this cute cabinet out of all recycled materials--old shutters that we removed from behind the cable panel in the carport, reclaimed wood from the attic, and a piece of wood that came from my dad's shop.

This cabinet is the perfect size for my baking stuff, with some space to spare, just in case I want to bake some more! (Which I really don't need to do, since I'll eat it if I bake it.)
Yay! for husbands who can make stuff!

This May be a Keeper!

2011-12-21T15:32:00.011-05:00

In what was perhaps the score of the month, I found this really cute cabinet at the Habitat ReStore.
I didn't waste time--walked up to the counter immediately upon spying it, and told John (yes, the manager and I are on a first-name basis) that I was ready to purchase and would be back the next day to pick it up. The shape was great, it was in good condition, and someone had already put a coat of chalk paint on it.
Oh. Yeah.
Upon loading the piece, a young lady stopped me and asked if I would be interested in selling it. Perhaps if she'd given me twice what I had coughed up, I might have made that sale. But I was really interested in the piece, and had all kinds of ideas for it. I knew it would sell, but more importantly, it would give me a way to display items in the shop. Keeping the piece there to display things for a few months before putting a price tag on it was actually the master plan.

And then I started working on it.

I actually liked the color of the chalk paint--a little off-white/greyish--and kept it. I did paint the metal inserts with Martha Stewart's Thundercloud (bought at Home Depot) and used Rustoleum's hammered metallic on the handles, which I thought about replacing. But when I saw what the spray paint could do...well, who COULDN'T use a little batwing colonial drawer pull in their lives? (Or, in this case, 8 of them.)
I finished it off with a coat of Annie Sloan dark wax--which is incredibly pricey, but worth it. A little elbow grease, et voila!

The back of the piece is light blue, and I've painted the panels on the doors light blue as well. I've used the Martha Stewart metallic to highlight some of the small details on the case too.

The finished product is really cool--for a second attempt. I like it so much, it's staying in my foyer for awhile.

Here it is with some 'stuff' in it (sorry the pics aren't better, but I'll invest in a better camera when I sell my beans.):

Linking this.

My Home & Native Land...

2011-12-21T07:07:00.022-05:00

...not really. But my mom was a Canadian (she is an American citizen now and has been since 1976), and we spent lots of time there with my grandmother.

I LOVE Canada...just so you know. (And yes...it's true that Rick Moranis is from Canada, but I loved Canada long before I started stalking Rick Moranis.)
Honestly? Canada has some very cool stuff: Anne of Green Gables, the biggest mall in North America, hockey players with limited numbers of real teeth, some great beer, and a really huge waterfall.
But their coolest item may just be their flag.
Today's Canadian flag is actually younger than I am--it wasn't adopted until 1965, which may be why the maple leaf is less realistic and more mod--that whole 'Carnaby Street' vibe coming over from the mother country and all. Before 1965, the Canadian flag looked like this:

But now...well, you know what it looks like now.
When I saw this dresser by Miss Mustard Seed:

...it started my wheels turning. (Which I realize sounds vaguely pornographic, but I promise it wasn't. I was just thinking a lot.)

This fall, I found a small two-drawer dresser at a garage sale. The bottom drawer was missing a runner (which DL fixed with some scrap lumber and fifteen minutes), the hardware was damaged, and the paint? Well, I think the paint job was an experiment ~~with mind altering drugs~~. It was kind of a taupey-gold with tiny blue flecks, like someone flicked a toothbrush. I don't think the word 'hideous' quite describes it.

So I cleaned it up, had DL enlarge some copies of a maple leaf that was free clip art, and taped the heck out of the face of the dresser.

I taped off the maple leaf and sides, then painted the interior square around the maple leaf white, then the outside stripes and leaf red.

I used round wood knobs that I painted red, then painted the tops and sides a charcoal gray that was a mis-fire at the Home Depot. Love that three dollar paint!
After it was all dry, I wiped on a light coat of wax that I mixed myself--half Annie Sloan dark wax and half natural Minwax. (I don't recommend that, by the way...you have to keep a very close eye on it or it may burst into flames. That's NOT the way you want to start your day, Peeps.)
Anyway, it got down to the shop with a relatively hefty pricetag on it. Partly because I want it to stick around the shop for more than a week, unlike the other items I've refinished...partly because I really want to bring it home.

I don't know if there are any displaced Canadians in Winston, but if there are, they just might want a piece of home.

I'm featuring this on Savvy Southern Style to see if there are any comments!
(And I am at French Country this week!)

...and at Sunday's Best!

...and

Oh yeah...we've got projects.

2011-12-18T06:35:00.003-05:00

As successful as I've been at the shop, it also means I have to rush to get items ready.
So I've had to neglect everything else.

When I took the dressing table down to Elizabeth's, I *thought* I had a few weeks to get some other things together. "That works out perfectly," I said to myself. "I will have all of the holiday break to get stuff ready!" (There are many times that I talk to myself, and I often use exclamations. I am quirky that way.)
But no...such was not the case.

The dressing table sold within a week, leaving me once again bereft of furniture.
I had two pieces ready for fixing...one a two-drawer chest that I got at a yard sale for $25, one a great display piece that I got at the Habitat Re-Store for $125. (This second one? Someone has been already asking to buy, even before I got it home.)
So I have been ignoring the fact that I have not done anything to get ready for Christmas, other than get the tree and wreaths up, and working on getting stuff ready for re*new. But there's a new dilemma.
I've got to move things indoors to work on, as it's too cold and damp outside to paint.
And some of this stuff is waaaaay too big to get up to Santa's Workshop. (By Santa's Workshop, I mean my attic, where I've been working on these things. It's great to have a heated place to get this stuff ready.) I can't move this big stuff around, even with DL's help.
(I'll admit--I didn't really check this display piece carefully. I assumed it came in two pieces, which would have been completely manageable. But it is one solid piece, which is a little ridiculous, if you ask me.)
So today, I'm painting a desk in my foyer.
Craziness.
Meanwhile, I'll take a child's desk and chair and small coat tree down to Elizabeth's in hopes that it won't look like something Scrooge threw together. Pics to follow, unless it looks like crap.

House Town Stalker Sunday

2011-12-17T16:37:00.024-05:00

If I could live anywhere in the world?
This would be it.
Sweet DL and I went this summer and spent a wonderful few days and the weather was perfect!

How ironic that The Barenaked Ladies are Canadian and if they had a million dollars? They STILL couldn't afford one of these gorgeous cottages.

Well, that didn't last long...

2011-12-17T06:30:00.005-05:00

Yesterday I received a call from Elizabeth's asking if I would accept a lower price for the vanity/dressing table.
Well, that first offer was ridiculous.
The customer wanted the vanity AND the stool for less than I had the vanity priced.
Essentially half.

I don't mind a little haggling-- but there are some folks who want something for nothing.
Denied.
But then the negotiations began, and less than a week after it went into the booth, it went out. Which left me with a hole in the space and several projects still unfinished.
So today, instead of making cookies, I will be scoping out furniture at the Rescue Mission and Habitat Re-Store, starting two big projects and finishing a small one and generally running around like the proverbial chicken trying to get stuff done.

Well, you know what they say (and who ARE 'they,' anyway? I'm guessing 'they' are a bunch of guys who sit around drinking some pretty sweet beverages, thinking up $hit. I want a job like that): "idle hands are the devil's playthings." Today, the devil will not be playing with mine.

Get Your Festive On!

2011-12-15T05:46:00.012-05:00

I had fun with some friends last night--there was a gift swap involved (I got a great garden flag) and some terrific food.
But my favorite of the evening was the gingerbread martinis!

This is how you make them:
vodka
kahlua
whipping cream or half & half
gingerbread simple sugar. To make this simple sugar, you take a cup of sugar and a cup of water and a few tablespoons of minced ginger--this is where your kitchen shears come in handy. What?!? You don't have kitchen shears?!? I will pray for you. Add a tiny pinch of cinnamon (if you have a toddler, have them pinch for you) and either a tiny pinch of ground cloves or a few whole ones. Simmer all of this together, but DO NOT forget that the stove is turned on. (If you do, you may burn some $hit up. Like your simple sugar. Or your entire kitchen. Stir it every once in awhile to remind yourself that there is something cooking.) Keep simmering and stirring until it gets cooked down to about a half the amount that was there to begin with. Roughly. Then strain the lumps (like ginger and cloves) out and put the liquid into the fridge for awhile. No one wants a warm martini.

After the sugar is cool, put in equal parts vodka, kahlua (did I spell that right?) and gingerbread sugar. Add a little cream on the top--Voila! A gingerbread martini!

Christmas Decor 2011

2011-12-12T19:10:00.008-05:00

I decided to do something completely different in my living room this year: keep it simple.
From the beginning of the summer 'til now, I have rearranged and/or replaced a good portion of the furniture in the living room. (People neglect to tell you that, after you've been married a REALLY LONG TIME, you need to replace stuff. {a} it's worn out, and {b} you're sick of it. But this only applies to furniture, not husbands.) It's still not done--it needs a new color on the walls and woodwork, but that will have to wait until spring break. At that point, the year-long transition of the living room will be complete, and I will be able to move on to the next (of approximately 846) house project.

To that end, I decided I would scale back on the Christmas decor this year, in order to save some time and money. Last year, I replaced our awful tree with a new one and moved the tree toward the back of the house, where there's more room. I also simplified the mantle (oversimplfied, actually...I have since added a few vases of baby's breath to it in order for it not to look 'naked'). I put a poinsettia on the chest in the foyer, and put a Pottery Barn lantern on a side table. I feel like I should do more, but I am just getting as much done as I can each day until this weekend, when I hope to be caught up.

I am inspired and frequently awed by what I see of other women's homes, and I wish I could get mine to be as chic and/or interesting as theirs, but I am doing the best I can, given the time I have.
Actually, I rather like it simple, but will strive for something a little more interesting next year, when I get the new color on the walls.
I'll start getting ready now.

Things Got Interesting This Weekend

2011-12-12T05:32:00.006-05:00

My normal routine is to check Blogger and Facecrack first thing in the morning. I don't have time to write a blog in the morning during the week (usually--occasionally, there's an exception), so I just check my stats. The stats I'm interested in are those that tell how folks are getting to my blog. (And what country they're coming from. I've had quite a few Russians lately. Not exactly sure what that means.)

Look, I am not trying to win any blog popularity contest or become famous for my insights, but I am enjoying FINALLY having a platform for my creativity. I can just do what I do and save it for posterity. If blogging had been available when I was thirty? Yes, it would have become my mission to get out there and BE somebody. But I am fifty-one, and while we old broads DO exist on the web, no one really pays any attention to us.

I believe that will change.

I love the earnestness of these younger bloggers. I think it's wonderful that they have an opportunity to become a presence on the web in whatever category they choose: mommy blogger, home blogger, craft blogger, fashion blogger...the list goes on and on. (Some of them need to take a writing class or hire an editor, but that's another story for another day.) But the seriousness with which they take this...

This weekend I linked to a very popular home decor blogger. She is quite successful, and has the energy to keep multiple balls in the air while freelancing for magazines, keeping up with a booth (in another STATE, no less!) and fixing up her own house. Add to that her role as wife and mommy, and she is in the same category as Edna St. Vincent Millay--burning that candle at both ends. But she keeps it together and does so with style. And she is kind enough to allow folks to link to her site on Fridays to show any furniture projects they have successfully completed. I decided to take the opportunity to link my (formerly) mahogany dressing table that I did a multi-layer finish on...I think it's neat and have received a few compliments from folks who have seen it down at the shop. So I linked. And I learned one thing:

If you link it, they will come.

No joke.
Over fifty hits from her blog on the first day. Nearly a hundred over the weekend.
It usually takes me months to get that kind of traffic.

So thank you, Miss Mustard Seed, for making me popular this weekend. It nearly makes up for not having a date to my Senior Prom.

House Stalker Sunday

2011-12-11T07:13:00.005-05:00

I've noticed that the home/decor bloggers out there have certain elements that they use each week. I think that's a great idea, so I'm instituting one of my own--House Stalker Sunday.

I am a house stalker from WAAAAAY back. I specifically remember being a child, my mother taking me along on her stalking expeditions. As an adult, I have gone on stalking trips of my own. Many of these have simply been showing up at open houses that realtors host, or the annual Parade of Homes that our local building contractors has.

But these aren't the only ways I stalk.

I occassionally get up into somebody's yard.
I am not above peeking in windows.

I live in a neighborhood known as "Buena Vista." You can read about it here.

There are some pretty great houses in my neighborhood...homes listing over $1M. (And in NC, a million dollars is still a million dollars, unlike California or New York where a million dollars is about $3.39.) But I'm not interested in those great houses, I am interested in The Rapunzel House.

The Rapunzel House has looked the same for as long as I can remember. It is quite overgrown, has moss on the roof, and one lone air conditioning unit sticks out from an upstairs window in the summer. There's a mysterious air about it...as if it's been left abandoned, or has an elderly person living there with just a day nurse as a companion.
Or maybe it's like "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane," or "Hush, Hush Sweet Charlotte."
Honestly? The place gives me the creeps.
But that DOESN'T mean I don't want to get my hands on it.
DL and I joke that we would each sell a kidney in order to own The Rapunzel House. (We call it that because of the tower. In reality, I am just this side of bald.) It is the one house we would do extreme things in order to own. Use your imagination.

I've been stalking this house since we moved here in 1984, and it hasn't changed at all. I'm not sure what the story is, but theories abound. I prefer the ones that contain a little more drama and possibly include Bette Davis.

Miss Mustard's Furniture Friday

2011-12-09T18:45:00.006-05:00

Lots of home bloggers (and may I say that a LOT of these women take this very seriously---and I want to say "Here. Have a martini.") link to each others' spaces on this linky thing. The linky thing is generally on the site of a popular blogger, and folks link their blogs onto the site, hoping to encourage folks to come to their blogs and increase their traffic.

Which is not a bad thing.

We all want traffic. Some of us want traffic because we want to show numbers, and others want traffic to make money on adsense (HA!). But a lot of bloggers want to show traffic because we want to think that folks actually LIKE us.

I am sort of "none of the above." Yeah, a little traffic would be great, but I'm not the kind who cares about numbers. Instead, I feel like my blog is more like my home, and I'm inviting you. Mainly because it's a lot easier to invite you to my blog than it is to my real home, which is pretty messy and needs a good cleaning. Actually, I wouldn't mind if someone put a dumpster on my front yard and said "Have at it!" as long as they were paying for said dumpster.

So, today I am inviting you to come over and see this great vanity, which I have painted, treated, and placed in my shop at Elizabeth's. I love it and have the perfect place in the attic for it, if it doesn't sell.

It has been painted with an off-white chalk paint, stained with a mid-tone Minwax water-based stain, and topped with Annie Sloan dark wax. I staged it a little, but most of my smalls are in the front window of the shop. The stool is wrought iron, painted white, with an off-white cushion. It would make a great addition to any bedroom, but if no one wants to take it home, it will be perfectly happy here!

Thanks for looking, if you found me from another site. You are welcome at my "house" any time!

Thank You for Lettin' Me Be Mys Elf

2011-12-08T13:19:00.005-05:00

...AGAIN!

photo courtesy verykitschychristmas, etsy.

Moving

2011-12-06T14:24:00.003-05:00

is always so difficult. Five years ago, my husband and I decided to put our big (3800 square feet!) family-sized house on the market and downsize so that one-level living (instead of three) was possible. So we sold the big place and bought a wonderful European-style cottage (circa 1948)in a lovely section of town, convenient to restaurants, shopping, and services.

I planned and organized everything that would be moved to the new location. I put into storage the things I wasn't sure of. And I held a giant estate sale of the things I knew I wouldn't use.

But then, there was the Christmas stuff.

When I was younger, I wanted things to "match." I wanted things to "look right." I wanted that house that looked like a photo shoot for the non-existent (thank goodness!) Yuppie magazine: Queen Anne dining suite with chartreuse chenille seats, Limoges china and contemporary crystal, overstuffed (but not TOO much) sofa and love seat in a random-width stripe, cherry sleigh bed with vintage chenille bedspread...traditional with a twist.

To that effect, I had three (yep! Three--count 'em!) artificial trees in that big honkin' house. (Artificial due to my son's allergies. He blew up like a balloon the year we had a real tree.) And each tree had a different theme! Yep! I had themed trees! There was a 'formal' tree for the living room, a 'country' tree for the den, and a 'funky' tree for the sunroom. In addition to the trees, I had a plethora of additional decorations for each of the spaces PLUS the bathroom! And the kitchen! My house looked as though it had swallowed one of those Christmas stores and vomited.
When I moved, I knew I wouldn't have the room for all of the Christmas trappings I had accumulated over the prior twenty years. I wanted to SIMPLIFY--after all, wasn't that why we were moving? To downsize our home AND our stuff?

So...I got rid of everything but the ornaments that actually meant something--the things my children, now grown, had made in pre-school. A dough angel with the name KIRBY poked into it by a six year-old wielding a toothpick. (Okay, it's a little moldy. But you would be too, if you were forty-five years old.) A few vintage pieces that were on the tree at 32 Washington Street, some of which I had probably hung on that tree...my mother holding her breath just in case I lost my grip.

When we switched out the short, fat tree for the tall, slim, prelit one (wishing I could do the same for my figure, but that's another story for another day), I decorated it with the ornaments I kept. There are just enough to fill it, with a few left over in case some get damaged or the moldy one finally turns to dust.

Is my tree "magazine worthy"? Only if you've had too much syllabub or eggnog. Is it themed?
Yep.
I call it "love."

Seventeen Different Kinds of Ugly

2011-12-04T17:52:00.005-05:00

Last year, I gave our 7' artificial tree (with approximately four hundred thousand individual branches that needed to be inserted by hand) to Goodwill and purchased a 9.5' slim pre-lit tree, which fits much better in the living room at Brandywine. It comes in four sections and takes about thirty minutes to set up, as opposed to the two full days of the other.
The decorating is another story.

I am not nine feet tall. I do not have a wingspan that allows me to reach the top of a 9.5' tree. I need a stepladder to reach the topmost branches, and even then it's a stretch. In order to keep myself from being too scared as I place the fragile balls on the highest boughs, I need wine while I decorate the tree. It helps me.
So after all that decorating (more about that tomorrow) and all that wine, I was tired. So I decided to keep the mantle 'simple.' Simple can be beautiful, right?

Not in my house.
My 'simple' mantle? Was seventeen different kinds of ugly. Love the tall glass vases, and don't particularly mind the silver glitter curlies.
But what is up with the black and blue stones? Is Santa bringing me bruises for Christmas? Was it a sign of what drinking wine and getting on a stepladder could do? What was I thinking?

So today, the mantle was on the list for a re-do.

Much better! I kept it simple, still, with light blue and silver plastic balls and tinsel trees from the dollar store and some white and silver ribbon. There was also a lot of hot glue involved, as well as two candles.
Next Christmas, I'll do the mantle before I start on the wine.

What I have to offer...

2011-12-02T11:07:00.002-05:00

I have started forwarding photos and instructions of cool project-y things to my SH (Sweet Husband), DL. He can figure out how to build just about anything, and I am able to visualize, so we are a great team.

Today, I forwarded him a link to a blog with instructions for a cool coffee table made out of pallets. His response was "cool... but this woman has beat you to a blog about upcycling furniture."
This woman?
Only about a thousand of them.

First of all, I am not about 'beating' anybody. I think there is room for everyone who wants to blog. I think sharing ideas is GREAT, as long as you give credit to the person or place you find your inspiration. I think I may give a little different spin to a homemaking blog...because I tend to be a little snarky, a little sarcastic, and a little irreverent--so my blog won't be for everyone.
Mine is less Martha Stewart and more "Martha after she's had seven martinis" blog. My 'HOuse 'HO blog, meant to be tongue-in-cheek, has now become reality.

If you're interested in reading a blog that's a little less sweet and warm-hearted and a little more kick-a$$, yet is still about making home a place you love, then tune in. If not, it's all good.

There are a thousand others.

Baby Love

2011-11-30T05:19:00.002-05:00

At the risk of turning into a "mommy blogger" (though there's nothing wrong with mommy bloggers... but I think that would require having children who live at home), I am going to talk about my grandchildren,er,kitties.

My daughter, who has a very kind heart, took in some foster kittens from the Philadelphia SPCA. They were very tiny and had respiratory infections and needed a lot of TLC, which she provided with great skill and care. But the policy with the PSPCA is when they are old enough to be spayed or neutered, they are given to permanent homes.

(Sheer genius! Most of the foster parents are so in love with these kittens by that time that they can't bear to give them up. So they pay the $50 fee---which is incredibly inexpensive for two 'fixed' cats---and keep them. It's a win/win situation.)

Unfortunately, my daughter could not keep her babies--Winston Churchill and Roosevelt, who apparently will keep the world safe for democracy--because of a roommate situation. She was prepared to give them up...
...but her mom is a pushover.

So we have two new babies. We keep them shut in the bedroom half of the house, where they have free reign of the guest room and bathroom and hallway. They are enjoying their new adventure, and we are enjoying their goofiness.

I believe you'll be seeing more of Winston and Rosie in future blogs, if they aren't busy heading the Allied Powers.

Living in a Materials World...

2011-11-28T08:43:00.001-05:00

My lovely assistant, DL (who also happens to be my husband) is a chemical engineer by trade, but he is also very handy to have around the house. Which is why he has enlisted to help me out by building things to put in the shop.

This is his latest creation--a very utilitarian table that can be used for a dozen different things--a potting bench, a sofa table, a narrow table for a hallway, or to hold your flatscreen. The shelf on the bottom is perfect for baskets or bins, and the color is my own special mix of a pale green paint (wiped off wet) and a hand-rubbed gel stain. The effect is exactly what I wanted; very weathered, as if it's been outside for a couple of years.

The best part? Is that it cost nothing to make! Why? Because DL is the Materials B!t@h.

This great table started out as pallets that DL ~~stole~~ recyled from work. All materials in this bench (with the exception of screws) are leftover from another project. The paint is from the master bedroom, the gel stain from touching up a water-damaged spot in another house, and the tools were...well, we have every tool except a nail gun and DL thinks it would be foolhardy to put me in the same house with one.

He may have a point.

Anyway--we're really pleased with how this upcycled project came together, and we're confident it'll sell quickly.

Beans, beans...

2011-11-26T08:09:00.000-05:00

This photo courtesy of cooking in kc

Soup. As my friend Gesh says, "It's the salad of the winter." To me, soup conjurs up memories of Sunday nights, when my mom would let my brother and me eat soup and sandwiches in front of the television while we watched "Lassie," followed by what I thought was "Wonderful World of Disney," but wikipedia tells me otherwise...that it was "Walt Disney's Wonderful World of Color." I do remember Tinkerbell hitting the word 'color' with her wand, at which point it would change, but I had a black-and-white television, so what the heck do I know?
Anyway, back to soup.
What I love about soup, besides its inherent deliciousness, is that you can add all kinds of odds & ends together and come up with something great. Frequently, there are sales on soups and soup mixes and you can even save a few bucks. Which is what I thought I would do when I bought a dried bean soup mix. I put in some leftover white wine (I know! I had wine left over, instead of drinking the whole bottle!), some celery hearts, about a quarter of a small onion, a can of tomatoes, and some homemade chicken stock along with the leftover chicken. I cooked it exactly as the instructions called for and after the three hours, the beans were still crunchy.

After six hours? Still crunchy.

After twelve? STILL crunchy.

After twenty-four? Yep.

It was the never-ending saga of the beans that would not cook.
So instead of saving money, I have two large plastic containers of soup with crunchy beans. Lest you think this may be acceptable, I can assure you it is not. Crunchy beans are disconcerting.
I am going to see if I can find a website that has some information on breaking down the chemistry of beans, to see if there are any ideas regarding the softening of said legume.
If not, I'm going to puree the heck out of the stuff and use it as a base for something else.
Or, if push comes to shove, I could always feed it to Lassie.

Dancing With the...

2011-11-18T08:49:00.002-05:00

...middle schoolers.
That's right, folks...I am chaperoning the Fall Fling, which means I get to stand in the auditorium where it's ten THOUSAND degrees and watch a bunch of sweaty thirteen year-olds bump and grind to music I don't know.

Little do they know, I have an evil plan.

I am going to replace all of the (c)rap CDs with some CDs of my own. CDs like "Wham" and "Cheap Trick Live at Budokan" and "You're Never Alone With a Schizophrenic" and "Born to Run" and anything by Earth, Wind & Fire.

And then I will dance.
And it will not be pretty.

This should cause all the middle schoolers to leave the auditorium and I can go home early.

Today, the middle school....tomorrow, the world!

Unmanageable? Maybe just a little.

2011-11-06T09:31:00.004-05:00

So...I'm trying to get my act together, then take it on the road, but it's a LOT of work!
Just yesterday: the farmer's market, work out, straightening up the house a little (and it was a VERY little, trust me), then shower, then groceries, then some cleaning up of a few items {two chairs--one that I will use at my new kitchen table ($40 at a yard sale, 1940s or '50s enamel-topped table the perfect size and color, fercryin' outloud!) and one for the shop that will get a Queen Anne's Lace paint treatment}, then laundry folded and put away, then prep for tailgating--Zweigle's white hots, condiments, baked apples, chips and Heluva Good, not to mention beer--then finding the official ND shirt, digging out scarves, gloves, hats and the winter coat, then tailgating, then the game--6 am until 12:20.

I have played around a little with the Wordpress blog, but can't seem to put stuff under my tabs...maybe I need to pay for the 'premium' in order to do that...that's what they do...they suck you in, thinking you're going to get all this great stuff, then you find out it'll cost you. (Which is what girls do all the time, so I guess I can't say much about that tactic.)

What I'm trying to say is: I'll be cranking out blogs, but they will be in different places. I will still do "Kirb Appeal" on BLOGGER, and they will be goofy and stupid (my mantra?) and then I will do "kc re*new" on WordPress, which will be the biz, so it will have to be a little more serious. I'll link, but you certainly are not required to read anything. I have given myself two years to build a decent following, which may mean I'll have to threaten to sleep with people if they don't read the blog, but I'll do whatever it takes to raise the Klout score high enough for Country Living to pay attention.

Meanwhile, I'll have to keep up with five preps (yep--five. Count 'em. Then send a care package, which should include two of the following: rum, Laurie Notaro books, cute fabric, wine that tastes like Kool-Aid, chocolate, Bill Murray movies, vodka, little-kid drawings for my fridge, Rick Moranis, beer, and jammie bottoms) and laundry (so DL doesn't go nekkid),my space at Elizabeth's, and maybe some vacuuming.

So, if I lose my mind, don't be surprised if I show up at school wearing aforementioned jammie bottoms.
Who'd have thought planning for retirement would be this hard?

Moving to a new location...

2011-11-04T11:14:00.001-04:00

To begin my "upcycled" life.
WordPress will be able to support the things I need in order to build a business--something DL and I have called our 'seven-year plan' for three years.DL will even have his own tab--something to which he is really looking forward. "Kirb Appeal" will continue on Blogger and "C-spod the M-Pod" will be found throughout the internet...with easy accessibilty for my students and their parents.

So…what exactly is an “Upcycled Life?”
(People—two—have asked me. They said “what’s wrong with your life?” and “your life is good” and “you have the most amazing life of anyone I know.” Okay, maybe not that last one.)
UPCYCLE is not in the dictionary—at least not the one on this particular computer—so I believe it’s open to interpretation. And my interpretation is that upcycling is when you take something that may be old or worn-out or tired and do something with it to make it new and exciting and useful.

Does that make me old, worn-out and tired? Sort of.
But more than that, it makes me want to do something new, exciting and useful. That’s what this blog account is about—re*newal.

I hope you enjoy it—I will be my same snarky self, but with (hopefully) some fun recipes and projects as well as more “House ‘Ho.”

Stay tuned!!

Scary Story 2011

2011-10-30T08:55:00.002-04:00

As he pulled into the high school parking lot, Justin was surprised to see far fewer cars than he anticipated. Usually the whole town turned out for the annual Halloween party, which had been held at Central High since 1972. Justin remembered the years when his mom had not been able to find a parking space and had to pull up onto the grass in front of the school. But this year, the lot was only about half full and Justin got a parking place up front.
Walking into the foyer, he scanned the room for the senior class President, Tiffany Troesk. He found her standing at the table he had set up earlier in the day, taping a poster board to the wall behind it. The words “Senior Class Haunted House Tickets” was written in black marker. Justin couldn’t help but notice her long dark hair falling like a curtain down her back as she stretched up to affix the sign. He walked over and tapped her on the shoulder. She turned just as he asked, “Can I help with that?”
“No,” she replied, “I think I’ve got it.” She finished taping the sign, sat down at the table, and took out a spiral notebook. “I see that you’re working the second shift in the haunted house,” she said, her heavily-ringed finger moving down the page.
“Yeah. Second shift,” Justin responded, as he tried to think of something else to say, so that he could linger a few moments longer. “What time does that start, exactly?”
Tiffany looked up. Justin noticed how large her dark eyes were in her porcelain face. His heart skipped a beat. “You need to be back here at seven-thirty to get ready for the shift change. We’ll change at seven forty-forty and open back up at seven forty-five.” She glanced back down at her notebook. “It looks like you’re in the boys’ team locker room, dressed as the axe murderer.” She looked at Justin again. “The axe isn’t real, of course.”
Justin wasn’t sure if she was joking until he saw a small smile crawl across her face, beginning with her dark eyes. He smiled back. “Have you sold a lot of tickets?”
“A few. There don’t seem to be a whole lot of people here.”
“I noticed that,” Justin said. “The parking lot didn’t seem very full.”
“I know. “ Tiffany shrugged. “Maybe people who came to the JV football game last night don’t want to come out here again.” The school was nearly twelve miles from town, the land having once been a state park. Students came from as far as twenty miles away to its rural location.
“There was a big spaghetti fundraiser at Saint Bernadette’s tonight. Folks might come after that,” Justin remarked. “Anyway, I’ll see you at about seven-thirty.” Smiling at Tiffany, he turned and walked to the cafeteria.
The wonderful smells assaulted him as soon as he opened the cafeteria door. The band director was cooking up sausage with peppers and onions, the cheerleading squads were selling pizza, and the FCCLA was making hot apple dumplings and coffee. Justin caught sight of his friend Tony buying pizza from the cheerleaders. Tony was an irrepressible flirt.
“Hey, Tone.” Justin stopped next to the pizza table and nudged his buddy. “I see you didn’t get your fill at Saint Bernie’s.”
“Naw, man. The garlic bread hasn’t been the same since my Aunt Rosa died.” With that, Tony crossed himself and turned back to Vanessa Muniz, co-captain of the Junior Varsity cheerleading squad.
Justin motioned to one of the other cheerleaders. “I’ll take a slice and a bottle of water,” he told her. He stood next to Tony while he ate his pizza, watching Tony flirt with half of the girls working behind the table. After he finished the last bite and rolled his napkin into a ball, he nudged Tony with his elbow. “Hey, Tony, are you working the Haunted House?”
Tony glanced at him, his eyes narrowing. “Naw,” he said, “are you?”
Justin nodded. “Yeah,” he replied, “second shift. Around seven-thirty.”
Tony’s eyes widened. “Cool. I guess I didn’t know you’d signed up.”
Justin felt himself redden. “Well, I thought it was--“
“You did it so you could see Tiffany!” Tony interrupted.
“Maybe,”
“Dude,” Tony said, “she’s the hottest chick in the whole school.” He took another sip of his drink and laughed, almost choking. “You got some serious hope, man.”
“Yeah, well…” Justin looked around to make sure Tiffany and her friends weren’t nearby. “I thought maybe I could take her out after we’re done here. You know. Like out to get something to eat or something.”
Tony snorted. “Or something, alright.” He turned back to the cheerleader he had been talking to. Justin checked the time on his phone and started across the cafeteria. As he was about to open the door, he felt a hand come down on his shoulder, startling him.
“I just had an idea!” It was Tony. “Why don’t we go get tickets and walk through the haunted house. You can get an idea of what you’re getting into, and I can see exactly how lame-ass our classmates are.”
Justin considered for a moment, then shrugged. “Why not?” he said. “I could at least see how the thing is laid out. I’m supposed to be in the team locker room, dressed as an axe murderer. It’d be good to know ahead of time what I’m supposed to be doing.”
The two boys walked back into the foyer where they stood in a short line for tickets. As Justin glanced around, again noticing how few folks were in the foyer, he spied Tiffany who was counting the bills in the cashbox. She looked up as they approached the table, and he nodded. “You’re going in?” she asked.
“Yeah. Tony and I thought we’d check it out. Get a feel for the lay of the land, so to speak.”
“Okay,” she replied. “Just don’t forget to come back for shift change.”
“Right.” He took the ticket Tony was holding out to him, and they sprinted off toward the locker room.
After a few moments’ wait, one of their classmates came out of the locker room door and waved. Looking carefully at the face, Justin saw that it was Jennie Oakes under the clown makeup. “Hey, Justin, Tony. You guys are going in?”
Tony waved his ticket. “Yep. We paid just like everybody else.”
“You don’t look very busy,” Justin said. “Have a lot of people been through?”
“A fair number,” Jennie responded. “It’s kind of tapered off a little, but it’ll probably pick back up. Saint Bernie’s dinner, you know.”
“I’m working later,” Justin said. “I thought I’d check it out.”
Jennie grinned. “Like research?”
“Sort of,” Justin grinned back.
Tony interrupted. “Let’s get going.” he said. “I’ve got a hot date with a JV cheerleader.”
Jennie rolled her eyes. “What’s the matter, Tony? Can’t find a girl your own age?”
Justin snorted as they walked down the steps into the boys’ locker room. The boys’ locker room was below the girls’, with the entryway to the pool in between. The haunted house wound through the boys’ locker room, up the pool staircase to the boys’ locker room and back down to the hallway. Along the way, there were fake cobwebs dangling, strobe lights blinking, and spatters of “blood.” Along one of the walls was written “HELP!” in red paint. On one of the benches, there was a cardboard coffin. When Jennie pointed it out, the top opened and someone dressed in a sheet sat up. “Laura Kimball,” Jennie whispered.
Walking through the girls’ team locker room, Justin saw a guy standing in the corner, wearing a ski mask and holding an obviously fake axe, tinged with red paint. Tony walked over and poked him in the ribs. “I know it’s you, Lincoln. How many six-five black guys we got in this school?”
Grinning, Nash Lincoln pulled the ski mask up above his eyes. “Hey, Tony. Don’t give it away, okay? I managed to scare the crap out of a bunch of elementary school kids earlier. Don’t want to ruin my reputation with the kiddies.”
Justin chimed in. “Exactly, Dude. If they found out the star basketball player was scaring the hell out of little kids—“
“There goes the scholarship,” Nash finished. He pulled the mask back down over his eyes, and resumed his stance in the corner. They continued up through the pool staircase and into the girls’ locker room.
The girls’ locker room was similar in its layout, except for the number of girls taking part. There were about a dozen girls dressed up in black, their faces covered in white make-up. Some had witches hats on; some had red lipstick on, with blood drips drawn down to their chins. One who looked a lot like Lily Walinski was waving a small broom around. They were clustered in groups, whispering. As Jennie led the boys through, the girls stopped talking and stared at them. It sent shivers down Justin’s spine.
As they emerged from the locker room, Justin turned to Tony. “Those girls were creepy.
“Naw,” Tony responded, “they were just messin’ with you.” He glanced back at the door. “You know how girls are. They like the drama.”
Justin shivered. “Yeah, well…”
Tony turned to him. “Listen,” he said, “can I get the keys for your car? I’m supposed to go back and talk with Vanessa. I think we can hear each other better in your car.”
“What about your car? I really don’t feel like having slobber from your make-out session all over my seats.”
“My mom dropped me off. My brother had to use my car to get to work. His battery was dead.”
Justin reluctantly handed over his keys. “The car is in the first row, out by the band room. But I’m leaving right after I’m done in the haunted house, so I need the keys back.” Tony took the keys and sauntered off. Justin glanced at his cell phone and looked at Jennie. “Almost time,” he said. “I guess I’d better get back to the table to meet Tiffany.”
“Okay,” Jennie said. “My shift is over. I’ll see you later.”
Justin and a few others stood at the table, waiting for Tiffany to coordinate the shift change. He noticed her come around the corner onto the foyer. She was talking to Tony, who disappeared in the direction of the band room, while Tiffany headed in his direction. He felt his stomach flip. She waved to the group. “Let’s go,” she said, taking off towards the locker rooms.
Jennie had gone and a girl he didn’t know took her place. The girls’ locker room was empty, and several of the group took their places in among the lockers. Justin noticed that their costumes were different; several zombies and a bride of Frankenstein, but no witches or lady vampires. The coffin had been moved up to the girls’ locker room, and Kenny Johnson, wrapped in mummy bandages, got inside. Tiffany led him down to the boys’ locker room and into the room where Nash had been. The strobe lights were still flashing, and he saw that the entire locker room was empty. Tiffany picked up the mask and plastic axe and turned towards him.
“Hey,” Justin said. “Is it just me down here? Am I the only person down here?”
The strobe lights made it difficult for him to see the smile play on her lips. “Oh no,” she said. “You’re not the only one down here.”
The door creaked open and Justin more emerge with each flash of the light. The girls from the first shift, their black dresses rustling, their red lips smiling, their eyes wild. And Tony, moving in beside Tiffany, kissing her neck. “I’ve got the keys,” he said as he left the room.
*********************************************************
Seven months later, police found more than twenty cars parked in an abandoned quarry near a former state park. The owners, high school students who had been missing since October, had been thought to have run away together after the local high school Halloween party. No trace remains of the students, and it doesn’t appear as though there is any evidence of where they might be.

I have been negligent...

2011-10-27T05:03:00.005-04:00

...in my quest for my own empire, so I decided to post a few things today.

(the reason I posted the whole Halloween story deal is because Nancy requests, nay, DEMANDS a Halloween story every year, and lately I have been giving her recycled stuff. She will get a new one this weekend. If you would like to read it, please request a link.)

So I am continuing my pursuit to usurp Martha by talking about our garden house. (Mine and DL's, not mine and Martha's. I'm of the belief that Martha wouldn't give me the time of day, let alone share a garden house.) (Oh, and that picture above? Is not it.)

Our garden house takes up fully a third of our back yard. I believe it was a studio for the two artists who built this house. But I could be wrong, and they're dead, so I can't ask 'em. Anyway, it's a great space with electricity and lights, and it's fairly large (about 12 x 12) and right now it's used for storage, but we'd like to turn it into something. We just don't know what.

DL originally thought we needed to connect it to the house and make it into a master suite. I vetoed that, because the place where we would need to connect it would make the whole backyard awkward and basically eliminate the opportunity to use the back door without walking all the way around the house, which is dumb. Then it would make more sense to just go in the front door, which doesn't unlock from the outside. (Another story for another day.)

Then DL thought it would be a good workout room. We could both give up our gym memberships and workout in the garden house. In 95 degree heat. With no window for a window unit. 'Nuf said.

I suggested a space for gardening that would also work for parties. A potting bench that could also be used as a bar. Furniture that's both utilitarian and moveable.

Except that we really don't host too many parties.

So then we were back to square one. Until now.

The garden house that once was just storage is now our headquarters. Where we plan to take over the world.

Scary Story, 2006

2011-10-19T16:26:00.001-04:00

http://kirby1960.xanga.com/540088848/scary-story-2006/

Halloween in Wolcott

2011-10-19T16:24:00.000-04:00

http://kirby1960.xanga.com/532519399/decade-that-i-remember/

Halloween

2011-10-19T13:56:00.002-04:00

For those of you who know me quite well, you're probably thinking to yourselves, "where the heck is her Halloween post? Has she forgotton?"

Oh no. Not at all.

Stay tuned.

Re*New

2011-10-19T08:31:00.000-04:00

Here's what I'd like you to do.... Write on your handy-dandy calendar (or put it in your fancy-schmancy technology that you carry around with you all day and check every five minutes, even when you're in the middle of a conversation and not really paying attention to ANYTHING I SAY *cough*crackberry*cough*) that you have someplace to be on October 23rd, sometime between the hours of noon and five.
The place? The NEW Elizabeth's at Hanes Park. It's down Reynolda Road towards town, across from Hanes Park. (Near West End Opera House...before you get to the Snob Shop.)
Why? Because I said so. And if that isn't good enough, I'll give some more reasons.
First of all, it's a really cool shop. Tammie, the woman who owns it, has brought in some very cool pieces and lots of new "gifty" items. If you have been there before and thought it felt "yard-saley" (apparently, this is the post where I am making up a lot of words), it isn't any more.
Second, I will be there. And you know you want to see me!
Finally, I have rented space to set up my own 'shop,' and you know you're curious. As of this posting, I have a very cool painting of lilies, a couple of lime green Parsons chairs, a funky coffee table, and some wooden folding chairs that would be perfect for a dorm room, should you happen to live in a dorm. I also have a lot of autumnal accessories. Of course, those things could be gone before the 23rd, but I will be dropping off one of DL's famous benches this week.
Why am I doing this? It's part of the "seven year plan," which is now in its third year. DL and I would like to retire and have a small business running estate sales and upcycling old pieces. We'd also like a retail space. We thought we might start this year, but I'll put my dreams on hold while I give my kids the tools to go for their dreams--and a college education ain't cheap. Meanwhile, I'll keep dragging 8th graders through a literary quagmire until they understand that there's a lot more to Dickens than meets the eye. So get your calendar out, be it the old-fashioned or new-agey kind, and write down "Elizabeth's at Hanes Park" in the space for October 23rd. Be there. Aloha.

Something very strange is going on...

2011-10-17T07:37:00.003-04:00

I love blogging, and I hope that three or four of my friends read this blog. I don't ever expect to have a huge number of followers, and I didn't ever think I would have an international readership.

Yet, I do.

So to all my peeps from across the pond: Welcome!
You probably think I'm just another daft Yank, and you'd be right, but I have lots of British friends and even a few relatives from the UK. (Funny story--when I first moved to North Carolina, I saw a lot of UK license plates on cars, and I thought they were from the British Isles. Later, I found out they were from the University of Kentucky, where they drink Bourbon, not Scotch.)

As you've probably read...I have lots of English things in my house. I have Royal Doulton figurines (not the new ones that are made in China, which is a TRAVESTY), the requisite "Queen plate," and blue hydrangeas. I don't care what Madonna says in her phony accent (she's from DETROIT, fercryin' outloud!), hydrangeas are so much nicer than roses, unless you are fortunate enough to have the heirloom roses that smell great. Most American roses have all of the smell bred out of them. I LOVE fish and chips, especially when they're wrapped in newspaper; it isn't Christmas without crackers; and there is nothing in this world like a Crunchie bar.

So maybe I can be an honorary Brit and you'll sign in and say "hello" if you're from overseas.

Cheerio!

French What?

2011-10-12T05:49:00.004-04:00

These are pics I took at a recent sojourn to Concord...to The Depot. The Depot at Gibson's Mill is a great place to visit if you want ideas for decorating your space.
Currently, I am obsessed with the "French Industrial Chic" (I probably made this up) look, as evidenced by the...oh, I don't know...ten THOUSAND pictures I took (a few are shown above) at the Depot and Sleepy Poet (in Charlotte). *For those of you who don't know your North Carolina, Charlotte is our "big city." Even though some of it is in South Carolina. It's basically as far from me as Eastview, for my NRW peeps.*
Here's the thing: my friends say it's "too far" to go for the day.
WTF??
I am stymied. They won't drive and hour and fifteen minutes to see something different than the typical Forever Twenty-One/JC Penney/Gap mall.
But I will. And do.
As some of you are aware, last summer I toyed with the idea of throwing in the educational towel, and buying a little retail business. Instead (let's face it, I have two kids in college), I have rented boothspace in a shop downtown, where I am specializing in handmade and upcycled items. I went to Charlotte to pick Libby up/drop her off at the airport and made a day of it, looking in different antique malls for ideas. Time and again I was sucked into this very French/Industrial look and took several dozen photographs. When DL saw them, he said:
"Hey! I could have gotten you a lot of that stuff last year, when we threw it out at work."

If ever there had been a time for a smack-down, that would have been it.

As it stands, he was able to scrounge up some bits and pieces, which are now awaiting my creativity. You will undoubtedly hear about my ventures into the world of furniture building. And there will be power tools involved.
I just hope I won't be forced to use them on DL.

The Foundry takes a step forward....

2011-09-26T06:12:00.004-04:00

...by featuring a collection of items made in the US.
If you don't know The Foundry/One King's Lane, they are websites that offer "deals" on items chosen by designers. There are a limited number of items, and some of them are a lot of fun. (Still kicking myself for not buying the 'West Side Story' poster, but it was nearly a hundred bucks, y'all.) I find that most of the stuff is fairly pricey, and just because it's been chosen by a designer doesn't mean it's any more interesting/special than something your mom gave you, especially if your mom has great taste, like my mom.

But I am really proud that they went out on a limb and featured furniture made in the US.

North Carolina has suffered thousands of job losses in the furniture industry over the past ten years, as China takes over much of the world's furniture manufacturing. Let's face it, if we are buying a blue chair, it hurts a lot less to buy the $200 chair than the $450 chair, doesn't it? Heck, the only requisite is that it's blue! But when I needed a couch, I was able to find a cool couch for a good price...AND it was made in the US. Difficult? Yes. But not impossible.

So here's an ottoman, the right size to put a tray on and use as a coffee table or extra seating. It's made in the USA AND the color is called "buckwheat." What's not to love?

Lifestyles of the Rich and ....Okay, Maybe Just Average.

2011-09-24T07:31:00.004-04:00

Now that I have become a self-proclaimed Lifestyle Guru ready to create an empire of my own, people want to know what makes me qualified for the job?

To that I must respond: Oh, ye of little faith.

First of all, my mom was a Home Economics teacher. This was back in the day before it became "Life Skills" and then "Family and Consumer Science." For those of you who think this is a blow-off, party-girl course of study, I'll have you know it is not. It involves stuff like cooking and sewing, both of which are fast becoming lost arts. It's so much easier to pick up a rotisserie chicken at the Harris Teeter or a tee shirt at the mall. But there is something deeply satisfying in making dinner--even if it means you have to clean up a huge mess afterward.

Second of all, I like projects. No, actually, I love projects. But even more I love choosing which projects should be done and telling DL to do them. We are on our 5th house--6th if you count the one in Brighton--and we have made all of them more wonderful/practical/interesting for the next family to move into. We have done 4 kitchens, 5 bathrooms (plus 2 more that we are currently ripping apart), and 3 basements, not to mention the innumerable gallons of paint and rolls of wallpaper. We can lay tile and laminate, put up molding, rip out carpet, and hang shelves. We can install cabinetry and build bookcases. We can even replace windows and doors. (Okay, DL can replace windows and doors, but I can hold the corners.)

And last, people are always asking me how to do stuff. They'll ask me how I made something, or where I got something, or whatever. So I figure they really want to know, unless they're just being polite, which some of them probably are. So I've decided to make this my new focus (at least until I get bored)--helping people make their lives more fulfilling. (Okay, not really. Because in order to make your life more fulfilling, you need to be passionate about something, and for most of us that isn't baking lasagne.) But I do have some good ideas, and now they are going to appear on the internet for everyone to enjoy and/or laugh at.

I have only two (2) requirements:

1. Anything I use must either be made in America or upcycled/re-used. Those of you who know DL know that he is in manufacturing and we feel strongly about buying things that are US-made. We also re-use a lot of the things we tear out of our homes. In today's disposable society, we need to re-purpose as much as possible.

2. I will be using in-season ingredients when I can, unless I have frozen things from a prior season. (I have a half-gallon of blueberries and about a pint of strawberries in my freezer.) This means that most of the food I make will be local, which is important for both the local economy and the earth.

So there you have it. Unlike Martha, I will not be using funky ingredients like twelve-dollar melons nor will I be lining the pockets of CEOs who decide to manufacture off-shore when there are hundreds of thousands of folks looking for work here.
And when Oprah wants me to join her media empire, you can say you knew me when.

Kirb Appeal--Doing a Double-Take

2011-09-23T17:59:00.003-04:00

In my search for another job, I realized something that I didn't necessarily want to admit.
I am old.
Halfway to death.
Which is a bummer, really, since I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Now, I've found out that I'm pretty much grown.
(Dammit.)
George Eliot (who was really a woman, despite the nom de plume. Go ahead. Look it up) said "It's never too late to be who you might have been." So I decided I'm going to be who I should have been all along: a lifestyle guru.
Yep.

Martha Stewart has questioned whether or not she wants to continue

with her empire, and she may entertain bids.
So, if she ever decides to drop the price a little...say, to about $15,000...I will totally buy it. Because I have that amount in a retirement account (which will last all of five months, should I actually ever get to retire).

Stay tuned for my photos, recipes, craft ideas and gardening stuff as I place myself in position to usurp Martha, who is more than halfway to death and will need someone to take over anyway.

Linking

2011-06-29T12:55:00.001-04:00

Because it's one and the same for now.

I've been Tagged! (And it was good for me. Was it good for you?)

2011-06-15T08:41:00.001-04:00

Musings of a Sarcastic Mind asked me some questions. Here are my answers.

HOuse 'HO and a paper trail

2011-06-12T10:14:00.003-04:00

This post will be a little longer than others of late, mainly because there is some backstory involved.

Back in the day, when I was young and cute and a boy wanted to marry me and buy me a house, using the paper route money he'd been saving for fifteen years (which is another story for another day), I couldn't wait to make the house my own. It was a little (about 900 square feet) dollhouse in the Brighton section of Rochester, NY. It had some pretty pitiful green carpeting and some butt-ugly Harvest Gold appliances. There was a living room, dining room, and tiny kitchen on the first floor, and two bedrooms (one without a closet!), a study and a bathroom upstairs. There were so many things I wanted to do to the house (like change out the butt-a$$ ugly kitchen) , but then there was a job offer too good to pass up, and we were relocated 714 miles away.

We bought another fixer-upper in NC...hideous Avocado Green this time, instead of the yuckky gold. And I knew that this would be 'home' for awhile, and I had time to put my stamp on it. So I began buying magazines and ripping out pictures of ideas.

Now, four-thousand, three-hundred, seventy-two magazine pages later, I have found that pretty much anything I need a picture of? I can find on the internet.

This summer, I will be recycling these pictures. I think this is probably my "Home Before The Home," meaning the only way that I will leave this house is if I can't take care of a house anymore. And I pretty much know what I want to do with the house...it's just a matter of time and money and getting rid of the mice.

HOuse 'HO and a link (with snarky comments).

2011-06-10T10:04:00.005-04:00

If you are interested, here's someone who spends some time looking up this stuff for you.

As for me, I have better things to do. Like make fun of those people.

Like make fun of this couch. Actually, I don't mind a striped couch. I have a striped couch. But this slipcover leaves a lot to be desired, I think. It reminds me of old man shorts. And that's one image I do NOT want burned in my brain.

And a bed by the ocean might SOUND nice and relaxing, but the last thing you need is (a) a hurricane blowing up in the middle of the night, or (b) waking up with seagull poop in your hair. Trust me on this second one.

And this? It looks like some kind of medieval torture device, which is not something I want in my own personal kitchen. My people might get ideas.

Just 'HOing around the HOuse!

2011-06-06T17:20:00.007-04:00

The other day, I saw something really cool on the Houzz e-mail update that I get.

The Summer Camp look.

While my house is an English cottage style, I have a garden house that I want to decorate in a summer camp style. Granted, it will involve cleaning out years of married life detritus, but I am ready to begin.

(Granted, a bunch of this stuff is DL's. He collects wood the way I collect shoes. It's a sickness, and probably will involve a 12-step program at some point.)

We started with this window, which involved me getting on an 8 foot stepladder. This shows just how desperate I am to get this job underway.

Here are some of the ideas I'm considering:

traditional bedroom design by seattle architect Bosworth Hoedemaker

eclectic porch design by new orleans interior designer Ellen Kennon

We'll see how it goes...

HOuse 'HO...one down, what? Nine to go??

2011-06-02T13:34:00.015-04:00

HOuse 'HO finally finished a HOuse project: the living room.
(Granted, we do very little living there, but it's done just in case we want to at some point.)

This is my collection of Happy Hollister books. They are in a place of (pseudo) honor. Why? Because my Trixie Belden books are in a different place of honor.

This is the spot where I will spend my time writing when I become a full-time writer:

This is where I'm more apt to spend my time when I become a full-time writer. Because I will be lazy.

So many projects, so little motivation.

The HOuse 'HO's Big Yard Adventures (in a really teeny yard).

2011-05-27T10:10:00.006-04:00

Those of you who have followed my adventures for awhile know that many of them have involved yardwork. First, there was the copperhead faceoff. (Luckily, I was faster than he was.)
Then, there was fern annihilation.
The great ivy debacle.
The agent orange incident.

But this summer? I take yard idiocy to a whole new level.
I am building a water feature.

Yes, you know I can paint. (I have a whole drawer full of paint-spattered clothing.)
You know I can screw things into a wall. (Oh, fercryin' outloud...keep it clean, people!)
You know I can plant all kinds of stuff--trees, shrubs, annuals and perennials. (Often without a plan.)
But building a water feature combine two things I'm not sure I should be messing with...especially at the same time. Water and electricity.

This probably won't end well.

HOuse 'HO and the tornado, by Auntie Em

2011-05-26T19:11:00.002-04:00

This is what I want to say (in all seriousness) about homes:
they're where the heart is.

And when I think about scary things like house fires and hurricanes and tornadoes--I can't help but feel sorry for folks who lose their homes.
Because it's like losing part of your heart.

My current house (in a long line of fixer-uppers) feels more like home than any other I've ever lived in; 32 Washington Street excepted, of course. Don't get me wrong: I loved my teeny-tiny house in Brighton, the house on Ashlyn Drive where I first brought my babies home from the hospital, and 5141 Riverchase Ridge, where my kids grew up. (Nettlebrook Drive? A mistake--we are not 'new house' people. Unless, of course, it's fabulous.) But a house is not just four walls and a roof--it's so much more.
Brandywine (yeah, yeah...my house has a name. I'm trying to get over it, so you should too) has so many little things that make it mine--hydrangeas that I found choking to death under tons of ivy, lovingly resuscitated--the world's smallest bathroom,--and the pot rack that I put up.

And I keep thinking of people who lose their homes, and all that makes those homes a part of their hearts--photos, collections, outgrown clothes that they hope they can someday fit back into--and how horrible that loss would be. WHen you hear the folks on the news, they are thankful to be alive. Rightly so. But some things can never be replaced, and I don't know how they deal with that loss.

My mom and dad had a house fire several years ago. They were lucky in the fact that the fire was pretty much contained to the kitchen area, and that their losses were monetarily minimal. There were things lost that couldn't be replaced, like the pottery my dad bought in the South Pacific (Bali Hai!) while he was in the Navy, and a few other decorative pieces that were antiques. But the biggest loss was peace. Because no cause was assigned to the fire, my parents often wondered what set it off. Why the kitchen? Had one of them left the stove on? Was something accidentally put into the trash that caused combustion?

It was a year or so before my parents were able to get through the day without thinking about the fire. By focusing on other projects, they were able to put the fire behind them. Peace had been restored, at least until my dad's subsequent illness and death a few years later.

I hope the folks along Tornado Alley are able to rebuild their lives. I hope they get the help they need and rebuild their homes.
But most of all, I wish that they one day regain that sense of peace.

An assignment

2011-05-16T18:04:00.003-04:00

As a mini-lesson on economics, I'm having my kids plan their "bachelor pad." They have $30,000 to outfit an old carriage house (above) with a mini-kitchen, storage, and a place to sleep and watch TV. This is especially attractive for most of them because, like me in the 8th grade, they are counting the months until they get to leave home.

But I don't think they realized how much it would cost them.
I'll let you know how this goes.

A book review: If You Were Here

2011-05-13T17:36:00.002-04:00

I fell in love with Jennifer Lancaster's books early in her career (as a writer, not as what she was before she was a writer...because losing that job made her become a writer, for which we can be truly thankful, amen), but until now, she has been a memoirist.
Now, she's into fiction. If You Were Here is the result of this foray.

Why am I reviewing this particular book at this particular time? Because it fits seamlessly with the HOuse 'HO premise--pitifully unprepared homeowners trying to tackle a job that is both (a) expensive, and (b) ridiculous.

I read the book and then tried to contact said author in order to get her permission to review it here in this blog. (Because it's about a HOuse! Not because I'm stalking her!) Anyway, when I e-mailed her, I got a lousy "hey, I know you're writing to tell me how much you like my books, but I'm sending this lame-a$$ automated response because I am too effing important to get back to you!" even though her husband is her assistant and he could TOTALLY get back to me, but NO!

So I did the next best thing. I contacted an author friend of hers (who is really great about getting back to you, should you e-mail her), and asked her what I needed to do.
You know what I found out?
I don't need her permission at all.
I can write whatever I want about the book WITHOUT her (or her husband's) permission!

She's lucky I liked the book.

How can you NOT love a book that includes Mike Holmes??
I wonder if she needed his permission?

HOuse 'HO and Hurt Feelings

2011-05-12T10:46:00.000-04:00

Well, my feeling are hurt for two reasons--
1. None of the house bloggers wants to feature me, even though one of them says that what's old is new again.

2. And I'm trying to get one of my favorite authors to let me review her house-related book for this blog, but she sent me a lame-a$$ auto response and won't answer my tweet message.
I may just do it anyway and totally dis her.

HOuse 'HO takes a look at upcycling

2011-05-07T08:36:00.007-04:00

Last night, I attended the garden party fundraiser at our local Habitat for Humanity.
It's always a lot of fun to see what folks are making for the auction, especially folks who re-use the materials that can be found in our local Habitat ReStore.

Upcycling is something that is intriguing to a lot of folks. There are about 248,000 hits on Google for the category "upcycled furniture." Upcycling is not just recycling...it's the Colonel Steve Austin of recycling--making something better than it was before.

Kids these days love it. But their parents?
Not so much.
While twenty-somethings are all about some industrial/steampunk/ikea/upcycled hybrids, their parents are all about The Pottery Barn. Or, for those who live a little more formally, impressive antiques. (Of course it's best if these antiques have been inherited, but buying antiques and then implying they have been in the family 'awhile' is okay, too. You don't need to tell people that 'awhile' should be translated as 'six weeks.')

I'm of the school of thought that if I like it, I'll make it work...whether it's a grapevine swan (in front of the dining room window) or a Sheraton-style plantation desk, like the one that fits perfectly in my foyer. It's all good on the Robinhood.

eclectic home office design by other metros media and blogs Michelle Hinckley

This is an upcycled idea I like--taking the frame rom a broken mirror, lining it with cork and burlap, and making it into a nice bulletin board.

Here's one that's not as appealing. To me, these rustic bookcases are just one step above milk crates.

Because why have that, when for $3000 more, you can have this?

So...

2011-05-01T19:36:00.004-04:00

Today, I'm publishing a photo from another blog...it's called "LakeHouse Kitchen."

I love this kitchen. I'd love a lakehouse. I'd love to be able to get $200+ for a damn PILLOW like the chick who writes the blog featuring the lakehouse pic does.

What pillow is worth more than $200??

The only way I'd pay $200 for a pillow is if Mark Harmon was sleeping on it with me.
I'm just saying.

HOuse 'HOs celerates the happy occasion!

2011-04-29T18:29:00.007-04:00

By sharing some stuff with you!
First, there's this cute tea towel

Next, there's a mug:

eclectic dinnerware design by joannehudson.com

And you could drink your tea out of this:

But of course, there are always those of us who are having flashacks!

(This coming from a woman who forced her sister to wear a copy of Lady Diana's dress in teal. WTF was I thinking? Sorry, Kik. My excuse is that it was the 80s.)

HOuse 'HO goes Vintage!

2011-04-25T08:01:00.005-04:00

eclectic kids design by

href='http://www.houzz.com/professionals/interior-designer/other-metros'>other metros interior designer Brooke Ulrich

spaces design by cincinnati media and blogs The Vintage Glitter House

eclectic bedroom design by kansas city photographer Johnnyvintage

I love this stuff. Old, crackly, fun, funky, etc. I especially love it when it has a story to tell.
There are a few funky shops here in Winston--Elizabeth's, which is on Reynolda across from Hanes Park, and Cookie's (not the real name--I just call it Cookie's because Cookie owns it) which is just down the block from Elizabeth's. These places have been around awhile, and have a decent client base. There's a new place around the corner from there--up past the Snob Shop on the right--which is also cool. (I think it's called 'Collage'--which is NOT college, BTW.) There are two more places on Burke Street--both fairly new and I'm not sure what they're called. But I want one.

Owning one of these places is my new goal, seeing as they aren't going to make "The Real Housewives of Winston-Salem" any time soon.

eclectic dining room design by media and blogs Dreamy Whites

HOuse HO's: Earth Day and Every Day

2011-04-24T08:03:00.004-04:00

(Yes, I know Earth Day was yesterday. But I was busy. Sue me.)
I am a saver. (Except for money, which I like to spend on things like Frye boots and Lilly Pulitzer. And martinis.)
But other stuff? I like to save.
And probably the most important things I save are houses.

I guess my parents are to blame for this. Growing up, our house was always under construction, which is what you get when you buy a house built in 1876 and not updated since. And while I've never had the cajones to buy a house THAT old, I have had my share of "fixer-uppers."

Our first house was in the Brighton section of Rockester, NY. While we were only there a year and didn't have time for a complete re-do, we did repaint and replace carpet and dealt with some warped paneling.
In Winston, we're currently in house number four. One of these houses was a McMansion, but we did reconfigure the dining room/kitchen/laundry room and finished out the basement. The others were 1960s/1970s typical suburban homes, and now there's this crazy wreck.
When we were looking for a home where we could live on one level, we saw several in the Buena Vista area of Winston. Of the four homes we looked at, two have since been torn down and McMansions put up in their places.

Let me make this clear: I have nothing against McMansions; they're just not for me. What I do object to is tearing a house down for the heck of it and putting up a house that lacks character or is completely out of place. And there are times when the complete removal of a home is appropriate (sorta like a Brazilian) due to structural damage or mold or what have you. But if you can save the property? By all means, do.

If I could afford to buy houses and fix them up for other families to enjoy (aka 'flipping') I totally would. There are ways to take old houses and both maintain the character and make them livable for 2011. That's what I'm doing here, in this one-of-a-kind place, even if it is an expensive and time-consuming undertaking. (But not terribly painful, unlike a Brazilian.) In all honesty? Even if we dump another fifty grand into this place, I never could have built it at this price. A slate roof? Roughly $50,000. Random-width yellow pine floors? $10,000. Slate patios? $8,000. Garden house? $20,000. Walled gardens with mature plantings? $12,000. Italian marble mantle? $4.000. Anyway, you get the picture. Will we ever get our money back? Probably not. But by saving this house, I'm also saving the planet.

So, there you have it...Earth Day every day. Next time on HOuse 'HO....re-using vintage materials. Unless I find some more rooms to make fun of.

HOuse 'HO thought of it first, peeps.

2011-04-20T20:44:00.003-04:00

In cruising the various home decor blogs, I am discovering that there's a suspicious trend.

People are stealing my ideas.

In my former house, I used a ladder as a towel rack in the master bath.
Like this:

eclectic home office design by media and blogs French Larkspur

When we moved to the new house, I wanted to use the same ladder as a pot rack, like this:

eclectic kitchen design

And a bright lime and white bathroom? It was mine first, bee-otches!

traditional bathroom design by media and blogs The Lettered Cottage

And here's a photo with two of my ideas, the ladder potrack and the table as island.

traditional kitchen design

Honestly? I think someone owes me some money.
Right now, I'm sitting in my KirbCave, thinking up the next big home decor trend.

HOuse 'HO on the loose!

2011-04-19T20:45:00.006-04:00

This looks like a large, glowing, well...

contemporary staircase design by tampa general contractor Ramos Design Build Corporation - Tampa

What exactly IS this?

contemporary kitchen design by tampa interior designer Paul Anater

This looks like it might go with the top photo, so to speak.

contemporary powder room design by tampa general contractor Ramos Design Build Corporation - Tampa

Let's put the little girl with ADHD in this room...

eclectic bedroom design by tampa interior designer Paul Anater

Or here...

tropical bedroom design by tampa interior designer Studio M

But there's NOTHING like some giant broccoli in the living room!

contemporary family room design by tampa interior designer Paul Anater

HOuse 'HO: Truth, Lies, and a Big MoFo Sink

2011-04-19T05:27:00.003-04:00

spaces design by san diego interior designer andrea may

Before The World's Smallest Bathroom became the latest victim of the Brandywine curse*, we had planned on re-doing the hallway bath. The hallway bath is the main bathroom in the house; it's the one that guests and the kids use when they're visiting. I also use it as home base when we don't have company...it's about twice the size of the master bath. (Which used to be a small walk-in closet, so that tells you how big the master bath is. Not.) The hallway bath is currently about 6 feet by 12 feet--a typical 1940s size with a tub/shower, a toilet and a sink low enough to be used comfortably by four-year-olds without a stool. We built a false wall in the guest bedroom so that we could expand the hall bath to include a soaking tub, mainly because I'm old and everything hurts and I hear that whirlpools are passe and lord knows I need to be a trendsetter. Where the tub is now, we plan to put a sink.

But not just any sink.
A great big honking sink.
A sink that will be the envy of our friends and neighbors.
Yep. Sink envy.

The sink pictured at the top doesn't even begin to compare with MY sink.

Our local Habitat for Humanity ReStore has a silent auction every two weeks to get the most money for their "good stuff."** During one of these auctions, I spied a really great dining room buffet, probably from the early 1940s. It was the perfect style and size to become the base for a sink in the hallway bath. Because we put one bath on hold in order to deal with another bath, the buffet had to be temporarily stored in the dining room.

Hmmmmmmm........

I really like it there.

As awesome as it would look with a vessel bowl on top, I'm thinking about keeping it in the dining room. I'm trying to justify buying yet ANOTHER piece for the bathroom, but then I remember I have a small Eastlake chest of drawers in the attic. It isn't nearly as beautiful and it's a little small, but.....

I'm glad the project is on hold. This may be the only time I am happy the floor is rotten.

*Yes, my house has a name. But the prestige comes with a price. Mainly, it's a sinkhole for money and a home for about a dozen mice who are too smart to be fooled by traps of any kind.

**By good stuff, I mean REALLY good, like the four Nichols & Stone chairs I got for the table in my living room. For a hundred bucks. Seriously.

HOuse 'HO and the ongoing bathroom dilemma

2011-04-18T14:50:00.000-04:00

contemporary bathroom design by atlanta architect Summerour Architects

Sometimes you just have to say.....

HOuse 'HO and the rotten floor

2011-04-16T19:18:00.003-04:00

eclectic bathroom design by toronto interior designer Lucid Interior Design Inc.

The truly disgusting photos at the top are of the world's smallest bathroom....or rather, what was left of it after we took the rotting floor out.

The bottom photo is what I probably should hang on the wall, as you can imagine trying to actually USE this bathroom if you are taller than 5'5" and weigh more than 125 pounds.

In light of the fact that anyone who sat on that toilet could've gotten a quick trip through the sub-floor...the mice don't seem so bad.

HOuse 'HO tries to do something about the world's smallest bathroom.

2011-04-16T11:47:00.009-04:00

bathroom design by toronto interior designer BiglarKinyan Design

traditional bathroom design by chicago general contractor Normandy Builders

eclectic bathroom design by dallas kitchen and bath USI Design & Remodeling

traditional bathroom design by san francisco James Madson

Those of you who have seen it, know that my house contains what could be the world's smallest bathroom. By small, I mean that when you sit on the toilet, your knees bump the vanity.
Well, as is the tradition with this house, the world's smallest bathroom has a problem. By problem, I mean the floor was rotted out underneath. That meant ripping up the linoleum. (And by linoleum? I mean the original linoleum. The stuff made with linseed oil.)

So I've been cruising through the home blogs and websites, looking for ideas for updating the world's smallest bathroom. But it's funny...the bathrooms shown on these sites are never small. And some of them are downright....odd.

Take a look at that top pic. The way the door would swing open and immediately to your right is a toilet back in it's own little cubby hole. I like this. It's like a punishment. Or an escape. I can hear it now, "Just for that, you can sit on the toilet, young man!"

The second pic is a little difficult to see, but that bathroom is all white tile and grout. I wonder how many illegal immigrants you would have to have come over every week to clean that sucker? With ten gallon buckets of mildew remover.

The third picture just startles me. I mean...??? This doesn't look like it belongs in someone's real home...it looks like it belongs in a house of ill-repute. If I went into this bathroom, I would immediately start singing. "ROXANNE! YOU DON'T HAVE TO PUT ON THAT RED LIGHT!"

That bottom picture kills me, though. Because nothing says "neighborly" like getting out of the tub, streaming wet, while the folks next door are hosting a garden party, complete with binoculars.

Back to the drawing board.

HOuse 'HO

2011-04-15T08:20:00.010-04:00

traditional laundry room design by minneapolis architect Charlie Simmons - Charlie & Co. Design

eclectic laundry room design

contemporary laundry room design by other metros kitchen and bath Natalie Du Bois

contemporary laundry room design

The next project in the house of never-ending, bank account-draining projects is to figure out what the heck to do with the laundry "room." I use the word "room" loosely because technically, a room needs four walls, and my laundry room only has 3.82 walls. That's because one of the walls went up through the center of a window (??? On what planet did someone think that was a good idea???) and so we tore back some of the wall. So now there's a big gaping hole, but at least we have a full window. And no ideas.

I've been checking things out on-line (I used to subscribe to about ten different house magazines, but now that I can find all kinds of $hit on-line, I'm saving a little money. Which will IMMEDIATELY GET SUCKED INTO THE HOLE WHICH IS A HOUSE THAT HAS BEEN NEGLECTED FOR THE PAST TEN YEARS!!) And I found very cool pix of laundry rooms. (Wait...are these really laundry rooms? Because they are slightly larger than my kitchen, and I find that rather off-putting. Also....there's no laundry in them. WTF? Who doesn't have $hitpiles of laundry scattered all around the laundry room? Oh, wait. Those would be the McMansion people who have laundry rooms BIGGER THAN MY KITCHEN!)

I like the idea of not having any stuff at all, like the top photo, but I think that's slightly akin to being a nudist. I want to say "put something ON, fercryin' outloud." I like the whiteness of the second and third photographs, mainly because they look so clean, and laundry should be clean. They also remind me of the time when the shelf fell and bleach went everywhere, but that's another story for another day.
The bottom picture just freaks me the he!! out. Who has a television over their washer and dryer? Does this homeowner spend enough time in the laundry room to watch an entire show? Or is she like Mrs. Rochester...only instead of being locked in the attic, she's chained up in the basement, folding towels. After a few days of that, anyone would be crazy!

Eventually, I'll figure out what I want to do with the space, but for now, I'll just fold my towels while looking out the (entire) window.

Welcome to "HOUSE 'HOS!"

2011-04-15T07:55:00.003-04:00

eclectic home office design by sydney media and blogs Ish and Chi

Welcome to my home decorating blog! It's great to have you join us! (Actually, you're just joining me and maybe Nancy and Hoop and Andrea and Courtney, of course. And then there's DL, who manages to make these visions a reality. And LB, but he's just here because it's better than being in the fraidy hole. Don't ask.)

As everyone knows, to be a truly inspirational House 'Ho, one MUST have a studio, even if it's just a reformed closet. The photo above is of someone's studio--an armoire painted blue that she uses to store her fabric collection.

This is what I have to say: You call that a COLLECTION?? Twenty FAT QUARTERS??? Really?
I'LL show you a COLLECTION, bee-otch! I've got a whole ROOM full of fabric. Even if I make a dress a DAY, I will never use my entire fabric collection!
*sheesh*

Well, that's it for now (since I'm all sweaty from my tirade). Join me again for another installment. And don't forget to watch my home-related episodes of "Kirb Appeal," now appearing on facebook with limited commercial interruptions.

Sayonara!

2011-04-13T19:48:00.000-04:00

...I have been subscribing to "home decor" blogs, even though they really aren't that interesting. They post a bunch of pics from the web of stuff they like and they comment on it, and every once in awhile they show you a project that they've done. Honestly? It's not nearly as interesting as the other blogs I sub to, which are commentaries on life from the viewpoint of snarky, sarcastic females.

But there you have it...I'm getting ideas for this money pit we've bought and, after fixing up three other houses, I'm fresh out of ideas. So I'll steal the ideas of others without hesitation or guilt.
And I love a lot of the ideas--I now have an old apple ladder I use as a pot rack over my kitchen island, I have used liberal amounts of beadboard, and I have changed out the cabinet hardware to make the kitchen lass contemporary. I also got rid of enough wallpaper to sink a ship.

But what I don't understand about these blogs is how passionate these women are about decorating. They all want to wins awards that are apparently given to women with decorating blogs, and one of them even started her own accessories line. These are some big-time "house 'hos." So I'm thinking of doing a blog that's a parody of theirs.
What do you think?

Sometimes, you just gotta say.......?

2011-04-08T17:07:00.003-04:00

A while back (honestly? Several YEARS back. When I was young and cute and new to the whole blogging thing), I was on another blogging site (the one where the anorexics sent me hate mail), and I had no friends. So in order to make some, I joined a writer's group. My first challenge? To take the lyrics of a song you love and tell what they mean to you.In my world, this was not a challenge to be taken seriously. As a matter of fact, in my world it's hard to take anything seriously. So, I approached it the only way I could think of: with a lot of humor and snark.

So today I was checking out the statistics for this blog--how many folks actually read it (a big thank-you hug to all six of you!) and where folks link from and found something really interesting: I have a lot of fans in Eastern Europe. And they all read my poem dissection piece.

I am wondering: are kids in the Ukraine required to dissect a poem....and are they all using mine as an example? Because this disturbs me in many ways: do they understand that I was just being funny? Is this becoming some kind of weird cult-like activity? Are they plagiarizing???

So, to all my little Eastern European friends: Please don't copy this for your poetry assignment. Please realize that this was just for fun.
And finally: Take it from me--poetry and pot don't mix.

I have been busy cleaning my house....

2011-04-07T14:52:00.004-04:00

Which you all know is a huge time and money sucker, so I haven't had time to blog.
But now I will, despite the fact that I have a pile of dirty laundry twelve feet high.

And honestly? A lot of that laundry is stuff that I should just get rid of.

Do pajamas have an expected life span? Because I still have some that were really comfy when I was pregnant with my daughter. She will be 21 next month.

Is there a reason I am keeping socks without mates? Some have been in the basket for over a year and a half. If you love something, set it free. If it doesn't come back, it either (a) went out the hose to wherever the hose takes the soapy water or (b) is stuck to a sheet or tee shirt or towel, and it will eventually be found, but not until the mate has been used to polish shoes.

There is always the one item I love because when I purchased it six years (and fifteen pounds) ago, someone complimented the way I looked in it. When was the last time THAT happened? Perhaps it's time to move on.

And why, exactly, do I want to spend the few short years I have left IRONING???

My commercial break

2011-04-03T10:03:00.000-04:00

NEW THIRTEEN IS HERE!

In an extension of the Royal Wedding (sort of)...

2011-04-02T19:12:00.006-04:00

In order to get in shape for the upcoming royal nuptials, I have spent some time focusing on reality television. You know, kind of building my stamina, as it were. So I have noticed something about reality television: I don't think these people realize how they look on TV. (Unlike Kate, who will look phenomenal, which is part of her job. Plus, she has people to help her look her best. And money is no object when your grandma-in-law is the Queen, fercryin'outloud.)

One of the shows where these folks are appearance-challenged is the show "House Hunters." These shows are about trying to find the house of your dreams in a new town. Some of them are international, some in the US...but one thing they all have in common: yikes-inspiring outfits.

One example was the midwestern wife of a doctor, who wanted to spend some time in the Carribean, so she felt it would behoove her to find a condo in the US Virgin Islands. For some reason, she felt it was in her best interest to dress "Island-style"...bright printed baby-doll tops (which no one over the age of thirty should attempt to wear WHEN THEY'RE IN STYLE, WHICH WAS A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO) and white capris. Her outfit would have been cute on someone ten years younger and fifty pounds lighter, but when you wear what amounts to a Tommy Bahama maternity outfit AND YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT...not so much.

Another show that features cringe-worthy oufits are the "Real Housewife" shows. I have never seen so many women stuffed into so many sausage casings in all my life.

For those of you who watch "Kirb Appeal," you know that I have a certain "je ne sais quoi" when it comes to my own fashion choices. I have a special philosophy about what to wear while on TV: go to the closet and pull out whatever is clean and relatively wrinkle-free. Just be careful that it doesn't make you look like a pregnant sausage wearing a muumuu.

How to Act British in Five Easy Steps:

2011-03-30T10:15:00.006-04:00

1. Wear a hat. Not just any hat--an Ali MacGraw knit cap circa 1970 is not gonna work. It either has to be a jaunty little felt number with a turned-up brim in a bright pastel like periwinkle or peach or a straw cartwheel hat adorned with ribbons. If you're unsure of either of these, check out this website.

2. Make yourself a cup of tea. The tea can be Earl Grey or oolong, but when I pretend to be British, I drink Red Rose. This is mostly because I want the little Wade pottery figurine inside. This is a Canadian thing, sorta like the mounted police, only not as tall.

3. Put some fresh flowers in your home. Blue hydrangeas are the best, but roses or the white snowball hydrangeas will work, too. Stay away from tulips, as they can be perceived as "too Dutch."

4. Learn the "Queen Wave." This should not be a spastic-looking movement incorporating 90% of the arm, but a small, nearly undetectable movement--a slight rotation of the wrist, fingers together, hand barely cupped. Need a visual aid? Here it is. (Also notice the hats.)

5. Work on your British accent. Rent movies with actors and actresses like Sir John Gielgud and Dame Helen Mirren and Sir Patrick Stewart and Dame Judi Dench. (Notice that these are all Brits who have OBEs. I don't think one can get an OBE unless they have an upper-crust accent.) Whatever you do, don't assume that since Amy Winehouse is British, you should try to speak like her. If you're going to take the time to learn the accent, you don't want to sound like you just went into/escaped rehab.

Most importantly, HAVE FUN! Becoming British should be an enjoyable experience. Start practicing now, and you'll be ready for when the big day comes!

So, If You Really Want to Get Into the Spirit of the Royal Wedding..

2011-03-29T14:45:00.005-04:00

...pretend you're British.

And anyone who "knew me when," knows that I spent an inordinate amount of time pretending I was Eliza Doolittle.

"Yes, Lord love you. Why should she die of influenza when she came through diptheria right enough the year before?"

You want to get your British on?
Stay tuned, peeps.

Royal Weddings, Cont'd.

2011-03-27T06:42:00.004-04:00

When William's parents Charles and Diana married, there was a lot of excitement and speculation among the gals in the Dunton/Sexsmith clan. First, my grandmother, the wee Scottish lass, breathed a sigh of relief that Charles was FINALLY getting married. She had followed him through the maze of his relationships, and whenever LIFE or LOOK magazine showed photos of him with one of the women he was currently dating, along with her extensive pedigree. (Prince Charles out on the town with Lady Catherine Anne Smyth of Hunting-in-Forest, daughter of Frederick James Smyth, Earl of Tweediepants, and his wife, the former Lady Elizabeth Hamilton-Mather.)

(I have a sneaking suspicion, when Charles passed his thirtieth birthday and was still unmarried, my grandmother was scared he was gay. Not that she cared about anyone's sexual orientation, but what would happen to the line of succession?)

So we were quite excited when Charles and Diana became engaged. How could we not be? It was a royal wedding, fercryin' out loud. There was going to be a dress and bridesmaids and crowns and CAKE!! And anyone who knows the Dunton/Sexsmith women will tell you that as much as we love a pretty wedding, we love our carbs even more.
(Let me go on record here--when I first heard that Charles and Diana were marrying, I thought 'why would she want to marry him? He's OLD!' and then quickly changed my mind because he was a PRINCE! Hello! That would make her a PRINCESS and who doesn't want to be a princess?)
We waited for all the details to be released--the wardrobe, the jewelry, stuff like that--and then we sat in anticipation, waiting for the big day. My mother, especially, was like a crackhead looking for another fix. And like so many other American women, we set our clocks to get up in the middle of the night to see what Diana was wearing.
That dress has gone down in history. It was a dress fit for a princess, and Diana was just the princess to wear it.
Let's see what Kate does with that challenge.

The Big Question of the Day

2011-03-26T08:20:00.002-04:00

Should I start another Kirb Appeal video series?
It promises to be idiotic, just like the others.
If enough people respond positively, taping will begin immediately.

An Interesting Conversation....

2011-03-24T17:47:00.007-04:00

Regarding Prince William and his receding hairline.

(I was going to keep blogging about education, but until they put me in charge, I can't fix it. So for the next week or so, in honor of the upcoming nuptials, I'm blogging about the Royals. I am totally qualified to deal with the Royals, as my Grandmother was a war bride from Scotland, AND she collected Royal Doulton figurines. And I own a kilt.)

First of all--there are many schools of thought on William's receding hairline, which tends to be a focus of conversation.
The overwhelming opinion?

Who the h#ll cares? He's a friggin' PRINCE!!(Most of these people are women, by the way.)

Most of these women were young, significantly younger than I, anyway. They all claimed that it didn't matter about the hair; he was cute. I wasn't going to go there, although I do think he's cute--he is far closer to my daughter's age than mine. As a matter of fact, if his mother was alive right now, she would be younger than I. So cute or not, I am creeped out.

But I believe Andrew is still single. Anyone know where he is? I need a date for the Royal Wedding.

Thinking about changing the name of this blog...

2011-03-24T08:43:00.000-04:00

Here.

There is a Box

2011-03-22T08:13:00.006-04:00

Today, my students took the End-of-Quarter test in Reading.
Another two hours of standardized testing where they read 8 passages and answer 50 multiple choice questions. About 20 of the questions are reasonable and can be answered with appropriate knowledge: point-of-view, literary device, cognition questions asking for details from the passage...reasonable questions that are easily answered. About ten more questions are what I consider "borderline"--decent questions that ask for kids to think about what they read and inferred--questions about main idea and author's craft. Then, there are the IDIOTIC questions with STUPID answer choices. (This is the part where I realize I've finally blown the whistle on the crappy test makers. I am NOT ALLOWED TO LOOK AT THE TESTS, TALK ABOUT THE TESTS OR DISCUSS THE TESTS WITH ANYONE, INCLUDING THE STUDENTS WHO TAKE THEM! I will be FIRED if I do. Yep, you designers of crappy tests, I am discussing the tests with the ENTIRE internet! Anyone who wants to read about your stupid tests can read about them here! I will probably get fired....but what the hey! It's time a grown-up went out on a limb.)

Here's the real problem--kids have no power and no money. They are at the mercy of the grown-ups. If they could organize (which would probably involve driving, and trust me, you don't want fourteen year-olds on the road) and buy off politicians like other interest groups can, things would be different.

Kids won't be different--kids haven't really changed in the past 60 years. Oh, yeah, we have more stuff that cause distraction (I wrote about it here), but their psychology hasn't really changed....it will take thousands of years for our bodies and brains to catch up with our technological advances, if it ever does. But kids can't vote, and kids don't pay taxes and kids don't have thousands of dollars to throw at kid lobbyists. (Well, kids DO have thousands of dollars, but they use them for iPod downloads and earrings and camping equipment and games. You know; the important stuff.) So no one is taking care of the educational needs of kids--not really.
Let's think about education's bottom line as it should be: preparing the kids for life. Not just to be able to read a textbook, or write a coherent e-mail, or add up how much their groceries will cost when they get to the checkout, but also how to bake from scratch or fix a flat or solve a real-life problem. They need to figure out what's real on the internet and what is not. They need to keep a calendar so they don't forget their mother's birthday. They need to be able to make small talk at a cocktail party, and know why we have a constitution. If we let kids cruise through school on scan-tron bubble sheets, they miss out on what makes school so cool: the fact that teachers will ENCOURAGE you to do things your parents will not allow you to do at home.

For example: I want my kids to argue with me. Not my own personal children (because then I would have to say "don't argue with me, young lady/young man" because that's what parents are SUPPOSED to say), but the kids I teach. Especially if they have a really good argument; one they have evidence to back themselves with. I don't want them to argue just for the sake of arguing, but because they feel passionately about something. I want them to tell me WHY they believe something--have they come to their conclusions logically, or are they "winging it?" Sometimes they might start out "winging it," but then I "see a lightbulb go on" and they are believing not just in their argument, but in themselves!

Watching someone "get it" is what my life as a teacher has been about. To have a kid tell me that he never thought of it that way before, but now he understands. To have a kid make a connection--not an easy connection, but one that has to be ruminated and cogitated and pondered a little more...that's exciting. To have an opportunity to "think outside the box" is a great opportunity and should be what life is about when you're 14.

And when you're 50.

Come Closer, and I'll Tell You A Secret...

2011-03-20T07:30:00.002-04:00

I am licensed to teach 'Family and Consumer Science.'
Shhhhhhh--don't tell anyone.

(For you old-timers, 'Family and Consumer Science' is just the new name for 'Home Ec.')

The reason I am licensed to teach it is a different story for a different day (Courtney), but I am. And if you know me? Right now, you're probably thinking to yourself, "WTF?? She doesn't even vacuum more than once every two weeks!" And you'd be right.
Just because I CAN do something doesn't mean I WANT to.

I learned this week that people don't necessarily want to know stuff. And by 'stuff' I mean 'everything I know.' Which is sort of a puzzlement to me, because I want to know everything! (Except math, 'cause I figure I know enough of that already. If I need math done, I've got folks I can call.) So, this week we were learning about the Great Depression (not this one; the one in the 1930s) and the dust bowl and industrial farms, which is why Henry Fonda needed to leave Oklahoma and move to Cali, where he became a movie star. Okay, so maybe that was "The Grapes of Wrath." And my brain, being of the "popcorn" variety, made those connections and moved onto food safety and dyes and pesticides and feed corn and slaughterhouses and e-coli and fast food and cooking and cleaning and 'Family and Consumer Science.' All in the span of about twenty seconds.

Everytime I get into one of these "teachable moments," some kid always says "what does this have to do with anything?" I want to smack that kid. I want to scream "It's ALL connected! WE'RE all connected! Someday, the people in charge will GET IT! You won't be asked to fill in bubble sheets; you will be asked to create a flow chart to show how the land we use growing feed corn for cattle (who are not supposed to eat corn, fercryin'outloud--they are GRAZING animals with four stomachs...you do the math) could be used to grow other grains and vegetables for PEOPLE, therefore making fresh foods less-expensive. When fresh fruits and vegetables are comparable in price to the dollar menu at a fast food chain, poorer folks will be able to afford fresh fruits and vegetables, and they will be healthier." But I don't say that. I just shrug and get back to showing them how to fill in bubble sheets.

Why Would I Not Want to Do This the Rest of My Life?

2011-03-18T18:50:00.004-04:00

Today: I decided to show part of "The Grapes of Wrath" (with Henry Fonda, 1940, black & white) because we are getting ready for the 1930s/Dust Bowl/ Great Depression/ Industrial Farming discussion next week. Most of my students were less-than-impressed...they're used to excitement and incredible special effects and who cares about the STORY of a movie, anyway? But one of my ELL (English Language Learner) students, Gustavo, asked me to WRITE DOWN THE TITLE OF THE MOVIE FOR HIM because he MUST RENT IT because it is SO GREAT and honestly? I could have hugged him. But that would have got my a$$ fired, so I refrained. Who wouldn't want to spend her life with kids like Gustavo?